The Laughing Panda

Black Guy Handshake

2011-12-01T13:43:00.002-05:00

MaskedMuscle: ok
MaskedMuscle: we just had a goodbye lunch
MaskedMuscle: he gave a speech
Dragoon: BeePollen just said that too
MaskedMuscle: no tears were shed though
MaskedMuscle: heroes don't shed tears
Dragoon: :D
Dragoon: did BigBoss say anything?
MaskedMuscle: he thanked him
MaskedMuscle: not sure for what
Dragoon: hahaha
MaskedMuscle: this is the best exit I've ever seen by a guy who got fired
Dragoon: good for him
Dragoon: bravo!
MaskedMuscle: normally people run out of here with tears welling up in their eyes
MaskedMuscle: when my friend Chrono got fired, it took him several hours to tell me
MaskedMuscle: I thought he wanted a hug or something.
MaskedMuscle: I'm not big on guy on guy hug unless it's part of a black guy handshake or it's my son.
Dragoon: hahahahaha
Dragoon: are you saying you want to hug RescueRanger?
Dragoon: you can tell me :)
MaskedMuscle: I think he wanted one
MaskedMuscle: but my rule stands firm
MaskedMuscle: only way he gets one is if he gives me a black guy handshake
MaskedMuscle: or he marries my daughter
Dragoon: when you say such things, you may be bringing that into existence
Dragoon: i.e. RescueRanger may indeed become your son-in-law
Dragoon: that's a wedding I'm going to
Dragoon: just to see you hug him as your son :)
MaskedMuscle: this is true, I am increasing the odds of having an idiot son in law
MaskedMuscle: FML
Dragoon: btw, I'm giving you a black guy hug on Sunday
Dragoon: be prepared
MaskedMuscle: make sure it's so complicated I look like a doofus trying to keep up
Dragoon: oh yeah
Dragoon: I'll practice with BeePollen all weekend
Dragoon: is YogaFlame coming on Sunday?
MaskedMuscle: yes
Dragoon: I'll make her jealous with my hugging skills
Dragoon: and he'll want you more ;)
Dragoon: I mean SHE
MaskedMuscle: she might give BeePollen a hug as revenge
Dragoon: as she should

Underwear Caliber

2011-10-21T15:43:00.004-04:00

MaskedMuscle: did you see that meinmyplace site?
MaskedMuscle: made me lol
MaskedMuscle: I was like, when I start seeing girls with muffin tops
MaskedMuscle: and fat girls
MaskedMuscle: then I'll know it's a real site
MaskedMuscle: how many normal girls do we know have flat abs like that?
GamerLego: unfortunately
GamerLego: i can't at work
GamerLego: i saw the link on barstool
MaskedMuscle: it's the same caliber pics
MaskedMuscle: but yeah that's my take
MaskedMuscle: it's basically models in their houses
MaskedMuscle: nobody looks that good unless they hit the gym 3-4 times a week, eat super healthy and it's their job to look good
GamerLego: they cover up
GamerLego: or show some form of nudity??
MaskedMuscle: no nudity
MaskedMuscle: just a lot of fhm quality skin
GamerLego: yeah
GamerLego: hahahaha
GamerLego: then yeah
GamerLego: once a chubby girl shows up
GamerLego: then i'll believe its a legit site
MaskedMuscle: haha
MaskedMuscle: how dare they try to pass it as a legit site!
MaskedMuscle: absurd
MaskedMuscle: they're like yeah, this is the avg woman in her underwear at home
MaskedMuscle: and another thing, how many women actually own lingerie like that?
MaskedMuscle: cuz clearly I missed the boat
MaskedMuscle: like by a lot
MaskedMuscle: not getting myself one of these underwear caliber women
GamerLego: hahahahaha

Flash Dining

2011-10-15T08:19:00.001-04:00

MaskedMuscle: you're up early
Mustaaf: Of course. LL is up. But why are you up so early.....
MaskedMuscle: not sure I woke up and felt the need to watch cartoons so same reason as LL
Mustaaf: PBS has super why on now. Awesome show.
MaskedMuscle: lol don't allow it to pollute your mind. did you inform Jamira of the plan to crash FriendlyGhost's suddenly for flash dining?
Mustaaf: She is game
MaskedMuscle: lol
Mustaaf: FriendlyGhost will be mad at her forever she says.
MaskedMuscle: isn't she already? what more damage can we do? we don't see her already
Mustaaf: ouch.
MaskedMuscle: lol and besides, once we find out the secret she is hiding, she'll have no reason to hide from us anymore
Mustaaf: so its actually a good plan
MaskedMuscle: it is, our idea is for the good of the group to reunite the factions and promote world peace
Mustaaf: this is the cold war era right now.
MaskedMuscle: it is, the lines are clearly drawn. separating those married with kids, singles and those secretly married with kids

No Pumpkin Carving

2011-10-11T13:40:00.001-04:00

MaskedMuscle: no pumpkin carving?
LegalPad: i think i will go for the apple picking part but can't do the pumpkin carving
LegalPad: what about u?
MaskedMuscle: no apple picking. too much and not as cool as it was when I was a kid and as for pumpkin carving not really good with knives. I have a fear of cutting myself so I declined
LegalPad: haha you said that last year too then how come u cook?
MaskedMuscle: just trying to keep my story consistent. lol
LegalPad: aren't u afraid that u cut yourself?
MaskedMuscle: I am but that's pretty much mandatory
LegalPad: will u faint if u see blood?
MaskedMuscle: yes blood makes me panic even a tiny cut
LegalPad: ic you have a serious phobia
MaskedMuscle: I can't help it. I am afraid I will accidentally cut myself and then weep in front of everyone and lose face
LegalPad: lol

No Liability Photography

2011-09-30T16:26:00.004-04:00

MaskedMuscle: btw
MaskedMuscle: Dentyne is looking for a photographer
MaskedMuscle: for his wedding
MaskedMuscle: I threw your name into the lot
GamerLego: i suck at taking pictures
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: I said "GamerLego Photos and Stuff"
GamerLego: GamerLego pornos and stuff
GamerLego: that i can help
MaskedMuscle: lol
GamerLego: photos
GamerLego: not so much
MaskedMuscle: haha
MaskedMuscle: I should have suggested myself
MaskedMuscle: MaskedMuscle Slideshow and Video Inc
GamerLego: MaskedMuscle Slideshow and JA Video
MaskedMuscle: nah nah
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: totally free
MaskedMuscle: but results questionable
GamerLego: yes
GamerLego: make sure u have a disclaimer
MaskedMuscle: I'll put it in chinese
MaskedMuscle: no liability
MaskedMuscle: get what you pay for
GamerLego: hahaha
GamerLego: that's awesome
GamerLego: considering he can't read chinese
MaskedMuscle: lol

Chew and Screw

2011-09-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

BeePollen: what kind of odds would you put on a LazyCoWorker chew and screw tomorrow?
BeePollen: out the door 15 minutes after the bbq
MaskedMuscle: 1:1
BeePollen: haha
MaskedMuscle: btw, chew and screw
MaskedMuscle: haven't heard that one before
MaskedMuscle: what we should put odds on
MaskedMuscle: are what his excuse will be
MaskedMuscle: traffic 2:1
MaskedMuscle: something about his family 3:1
MaskedMuscle: brand new excuse 3:2

Blacklist of Evil Friends

2011-09-02T16:17:00.003-04:00

SkiEnthusiast: aren't you supposed to be in vegas too this weekend?
MaskedMuscle: no
MaskedMuscle: once I found out
MaskedMuscle: that it was a couples trip
MaskedMuscle: I said fuck that shit
MaskedMuscle: I stay home
SkiEnthusiast: LOL
MaskedMuscle: and plus i don't want his gf to hate me
MaskedMuscle: and think I am some sort of villain
SkiEnthusiast: i don't blame you
SkiEnthusiast: haha
MaskedMuscle: that would rule out BanzaiBuckeye's chances of ever coming back
MaskedMuscle: unless she is handcuffed to him
SkiEnthusiast: did you make that bad of an impression last holiday party?
MaskedMuscle: no, but it's one strike and you're out
MaskedMuscle: with gfs
MaskedMuscle: then you're on some sort of black list of evil friends
MaskedMuscle: and are only allowed to come over when it's a large event like a bbq
MaskedMuscle: or wedding
SkiEnthusiast: HAHAHAHAH

King Hippo Strikes at Football Game

2011-08-22T15:25:00.003-04:00

MaskedMuscle: Link to video
MaskedMuscle: raiders - 49ers preseason fight
BanzaiBuckeye: wtf
BanzaiBuckeye: what a weak fight
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: come on, they're fat guys
MaskedMuscle: what did you expect?
MaskedMuscle: they looked like king hippo clubbing each other
BanzaiBuckeye: not 10,000 slow overhead punches
BanzaiBuckeye: hahaha yeah they do
BanzaiBuckeye: that makes it worth watching
MaskedMuscle: I was waiting for one of their pants to drop
MaskedMuscle: and they would keep trying to tug it back up
BanzaiBuckeye: and a taped bellybutton
MaskedMuscle: yes

Pure and Snowy

2011-06-16T16:23:00.003-04:00

AngryPepper: where's the closest beach in boston?
MaskedMuscle: wollaston beach
MaskedMuscle: near walker st
AngryPepper: hahahahhahahahahhahaha
AngryPepper: revere beach?
MaskedMuscle: wollaston beach
AngryPepper: yeah good day to tan there today
MaskedMuscle: nah
MaskedMuscle: tanning is bad for you
AngryPepper: freakin 87 right now
AngryPepper: i hope it doesn't dip down to 60s when i get out
MaskedMuscle: better to stay pure and snowy
MaskedMuscle: like lotus blossum in The Good Earth
AngryPepper: hahahahha
AngryPepper: yeah but my skin is not pure and snowy
MaskedMuscle: give it time

MaskedMuscle's Condo is the Best Bar in Cambridge

2011-06-15T15:47:00.001-04:00

(3 days ago)

HiddenBear: what are some good bars in cambridge?
MaskedMuscle: MaskedMuscle's Condo best in Cambridge
HiddenBear: ha

(1 day ago)
MaskedMuscle: did you find any good bars?
HiddenBear: MaskedMuscle's condo I hear.
MaskedMuscle: did you end up going?
HiddenBear: no
MaskedMuscle: there's no cover or dress code
HiddenBear: ha
HiddenBear: i wanted to check out some bars in cambr tho

(today)
MaskedMuscle: btw, I suggested a few bars in Cambridge to HiddenBear he seemed disappointed with my suggestions
SugarBear: lol. he's been to them already?
MaskedMuscle: lol he hasn't been to them yet I told him the best bar is called MaskedMuscle's Condo
SugarBear: rofl
MaskedMuscle: but I don't think he's gone yet told him no cover, no dress code. He didn't seem swayed
SugarBear: rofl. he ask today?
MaskedMuscle: I think about a week ago
SugarBear: well he is not easily enthused lol

Eating Rats

2011-05-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

AngryPepper: http://asiaparanormal.blogspot.com/2010/10/giant-rat-found-in-china.html
AngryPepper: fuckin nasty!!
AngryPepper: looks like a fuckin chipmunk
MaskedMuscle: how does someone have the guts to hold it by the arms?
MaskedMuscle: that thing is fucking disgusting looking
AngryPepper: hahahahaha i know
AngryPepper: i think everyone's waiting to get a piece of that meat
AngryPepper: mmm mmm mmm yummy rat's meat
MaskedMuscle: you know those people ate it
MaskedMuscle: afterwards
AngryPepper: yeah of course
AngryPepper: the dirtier the better
AngryPepper: can't beat sewage rat's meat
MaskedMuscle: so nasty
MaskedMuscle: if you were really hungry
MaskedMuscle: would you eat the rat?
AngryPepper: yes!!
MaskedMuscle: me too
MaskedMuscle: I think if I grew up eating rat
MaskedMuscle: I would have no issue with it
AngryPepper: either that or i die
MaskedMuscle: my rationalization is this
MaskedMuscle: people eat lobster
MaskedMuscle: that's a fucking large insect
MaskedMuscle: but we're conditioned to treat it like it's nothing
MaskedMuscle: if I grew up eating rat, I'd have no problems eating it
MaskedMuscle: much like civet cat
MaskedMuscle: or cat
MaskedMuscle: or dog
MaskedMuscle: or think of shrimp
MaskedMuscle: it's a fucking bug
MaskedMuscle: sea cockroach
MaskedMuscle: the more you think about it
MaskedMuscle: the more you realize there isn't really much difference if you can eat those things
AngryPepper: yeah i know
MaskedMuscle: why are other animals that bad to eat?
MaskedMuscle: so yes to rat
AngryPepper: yes wish i could get some here hahahahah
MaskedMuscle: you can
MaskedMuscle: plenty at downtown crossing
AngryPepper: hahahahahha
MaskedMuscle: big ones too
AngryPepper: excellent! let me get a net so i can just scoop it
MaskedMuscle: great!
MaskedMuscle: or just put some chicken in a cage
MaskedMuscle: and then close the cage!
AngryPepper: stir fry that shit with some ginger and scallion, it'll taste like chicken
MaskedMuscle: fuck yeah
MaskedMuscle: eat it up!
AngryPepper: great idea for dinner tonight
MaskedMuscle: http://blog.serialcooking.com/2009/01/23/friday-weird-recipes-series-lets-cook-rat-like-chicken/
MaskedMuscle: look at that
MaskedMuscle: you wouldn't eat that?
MaskedMuscle: yum yum chops
MaskedMuscle: chip honey dip, give me a scoop
AngryPepper: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
AngryPepper: yo that looks like fried chicken
AngryPepper: i bet if u serve that people would eat it finger licking style
MaskedMuscle: fuck yeah
MaskedMuscle: that's a sign of a great chef
MaskedMuscle: as long as they are farm raised somewhere
MaskedMuscle: with no disease
MaskedMuscle: I'd eat it for sure
MaskedMuscle: fucking people eat pigeons
MaskedMuscle: they're equally disgusting
AngryPepper: hahahahahha
AngryPepper: i love the ingredients
AngryPepper: fresh rats, fresh herbs..etc
AngryPepper: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
AngryPepper: as opposed to frozen rats at the supermarket???
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: fresh

Such is the Price of Technology!

2011-05-04T18:00:00.002-04:00

PenguinLover: what is single vs. dual memory?
MaskedMuscle: Essentially, dual channel means that you have two channels/pathways for your CPU to access your RAM rather than one in single channel. It's kinda like having a 2 lane highway versus a 1 lane highway to drive on. Think increased space for data flow. More space, more data. It improves performance but whether you see it or not depends on what you're doing 6 minutes
MaskedMuscle: "whether you see it or not depends on what you're doing." whether the sparrow flies to the nest and perches gently is the question!
PenguinLover: lol this looks like good deal to me http://www.dell.com/us/eep/p/inspiron-15r/pd#reviews
MaskedMuscle: excellent choice PenguinLover looks like a good find!
PenguinLover: thank u! lol
MaskedMuscle: the wise elephant eats the peanut with its trunk before the mouse after flapping its ears softly!
PenguinLover: lol do laptops come with microsoft office? or just word?
MaskedMuscle: you might want to ask them otherwise you'll have to obtain a copy from someone else sometimes they come with it
PenguinLover: i have old microsoft office copy i just want newer ones! lol
MaskedMuscle: lol you can get a copy from anyone you just need to make sure you have a legitimate key to go with it I can lend you a copy and we can see if it works
MaskedMuscle: however, in exchange you will have to lend me your future dog for a week. such is the price of technology!

Our chances are 100%

2011-05-03T19:01:00.001-04:00

SkiEnthusiast: what are the chances
SkiEnthusiast: of getting DS hammered
SkiEnthusiast: in NO
MaskedMuscle: zero
MaskedMuscle: but our chances are 100%
SkiEnthusiast: HAHAHAHAH
SkiEnthusiast: i hear that

Lunch Lockout

2011-04-11T12:31:00.003-04:00

MaskedMuscle: holding out today?
TelescopeJ: may 1st
MaskedMuscle: me too
MaskedMuscle: May 1st
TelescopeJ: it's tough love
TelescopeJ: it's necessary
TelescopeJ: if things havent renormalized by then, i'll start up again

(brief delay, MaskedMuscle calls for food)

MaskedMuscle: I just ordered
MaskedMuscle: I am selfish
TelescopeJ: heh
TelescopeJ: i try to wait it out
MaskedMuscle: kek
TelescopeJ: U NO KOREAN U NO GO KEK
MaskedMuscle: lol
TelescopeJ: imposter
TelescopeJ: where'd you order from?
MaskedMuscle: Quiznos
TelescopeJ: i'm gonna wait it out
TelescopeJ: see what happens
MaskedMuscle: they'll starve

Freaking Out About the Sox

2011-04-07T15:49:00.001-04:00

AngryPepper: 0-6 to start the season
AngryPepper: worst since ww2 era
MaskedMuscle: get the broom ready to sweep up all the pink hats
AngryPepper: that was when ted williams, and a bunch of other players went to war
MaskedMuscle: gonna wait for 0-10
MaskedMuscle: before panicking
MaskedMuscle: lester was great today too
MaskedMuscle: so we could be 0-9 by the time we face Tampa?
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: battle of the winless
AngryPepper: wow!! ridonkeylous
MaskedMuscle: good thing I could care less about baseball
MaskedMuscle: and that this isn't the early 2000s anymore
MaskedMuscle: or I'd be freaking out
AngryPepper: hahahahhahah
MaskedMuscle: turn into a freakzilla
MaskedMuscle: and start breaking shit
AngryPepper: u did that?
MaskedMuscle: no
MaskedMuscle: but I would stew angrily
MaskedMuscle: and snap at people
MaskedMuscle: and then be in a foul mood for several hours
MaskedMuscle: after each red sox loss
MaskedMuscle: good thing I saw a chinese monk that got rid of all the evil spirits
MaskedMuscle: put a piece of yellow paper on my forehead
MaskedMuscle: and all was cured
AngryPepper: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLll
MaskedMuscle: and then hit me in the back with two palm strikes
MaskedMuscle: to spit out all the poisoned blood
AngryPepper: hahahahhahahahahha
MaskedMuscle: (cue the 80s kung fu movie theme song)

Adding Up The Numbers

2011-04-04T17:49:00.005-04:00

MaskedMuscle: so we finalized which hotel we're staying at in LocationA
MaskedMuscle: and I had to send rejection emails to the HotelB and HotelC
MaskedMuscle: and one is asking why we rejected them
MaskedMuscle: and the other is asking who is the other hotel
BanzaiBuckeye: hah
BanzaiBuckeye: did they cry?
BanzaiBuckeye: what was the reason?
MaskedMuscle: I feel like I just dumped 2 girls after finding out the 3rd one was the best lay
MaskedMuscle: and fear for my life if I speak the truth
BanzaiBuckeye: hah
BanzaiBuckeye: that rules
MaskedMuscle: it'd be easier if I just said the 3rd one has the best ....
MaskedMuscle: but we're talking hotels here
MaskedMuscle: so I have to think of something classier to say
MaskedMuscle: maybe something along the lines
MaskedMuscle: HotelA offers the best hotel bar hookers?
BanzaiBuckeye: hmm
BanzaiBuckeye: do they?
BanzaiBuckeye: because I'm planning on hitting the hotel bar
BanzaiBuckeye: and need good people watching
MaskedMuscle: I dunno, first time I ever saw a hotel bar hooker was in Vegas
MaskedMuscle: and honestly didn't know what they were
BanzaiBuckeye: heh, it's always amusing when you first realize that
MaskedMuscle: I was like, hmm why are these gorgeous girls hanging out at this hotel bar on a Friday night?
MaskedMuscle: my friend said, umm those are hookers
BanzaiBuckeye: dammit!
BanzaiBuckeye: so you're sayin there's a chance?
MaskedMuscle: one in a million
BanzaiBuckeye: hahaha
MaskedMuscle: hahaha
BanzaiBuckeye: thank you for getting that
MaskedMuscle: yes!
MaskedMuscle: as for the reason why we chose HotelA
MaskedMuscle: it's cuz they had all the costs broken out for us
MaskedMuscle: HotelB was being mad shady about it
MaskedMuscle: and giving us menus
MaskedMuscle: and having us figure out the math ourselves
MaskedMuscle: come on now
MaskedMuscle: we're not that smart
MaskedMuscle: we need them to add it up for us
BanzaiBuckeye: exactly
BanzaiBuckeye: who has time for that
BanzaiBuckeye: and who's the customer
BanzaiBuckeye: be straight with them
MaskedMuscle: when I add up numbers, people have to pay me
MaskedMuscle: HOLLA!
BanzaiBuckeye: hah!

fantasy dog

2011-03-31T13:05:00.000-04:00

AngryPepper: fuckin fantasy dawggggggggggggggggg
MaskedMuscle: yearrghghghghghg
MaskedMuscle: btw
MaskedMuscle: coincidence that your division used to be called the Dawgs
MaskedMuscle: and NU has won all the championships?
AngryPepper: hahahahahahha
MaskedMuscle: I believe the fantasy dog
MaskedMuscle: is actually the NU mascot's spirit
AngryPepper: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
MaskedMuscle: willing its brethren to victory
AngryPepper: yes, it helped me 3 yrs ago
MaskedMuscle: sounds insane but at this point, I'm willing to believe anything
MaskedMuscle: cuz it doesn't make any sense
AngryPepper: u should write up a story about it
MaskedMuscle: my computer would explode
MaskedMuscle: or hte paper would catch on fire
AngryPepper: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHA
MaskedMuscle: the fantasy dog does not appreciate anyone talking ill of it
AngryPepper: that's true
MaskedMuscle: and DNice became arrogant
MaskedMuscle: and forsaken his benefactor
MaskedMuscle: so the Dog pulled the lever
MaskedMuscle: and down to the loser basement he went
AngryPepper: 3 straight loser champions hahahahhahha
AngryPepper: serves that bitch right
MaskedMuscle: 3 out of hte last 4 years
MaskedMuscle: how is that possible?
MaskedMuscle: after winning 3 straight
MaskedMuscle: even MGH can't pull that off
AngryPepper: that's why Handlz is having a great season
AngryPepper: he doesn't talk shit, very humble guy
AngryPepper: keeps everythign to himself
AngryPepper: so the fantasy dawg rewarded him
MaskedMuscle: probably has a fantasy dog shrine at his house
MaskedMuscle: right next to the lucky cat
MaskedMuscle: and the god of war, guan yu
AngryPepper: i need to steal the fantasy dog shrine back
MaskedMuscle: hahaha
AngryPepper: i will burn incense everyday
AngryPepper: give him all the fruits and chicken, fish, beef he wants
MaskedMuscle: lol
AngryPepper: if that's not enough, i will sacrifice little kids to him
AngryPepper: or burn him some paper maids, house, cars
AngryPepper: anything so i can win it next year
MaskedMuscle: lol

Soup for Sluts

2011-03-10T14:23:00.004-05:00

MaskedMuscle: AngryPepper, what do you think of this marketing?
MaskedMuscle: Link to Image
AngryPepper: what's this?
MaskedMuscle: just an example of bad marketing
MaskedMuscle: it's a picture of ramen with the words "soup for sluts"
AngryPepper: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
AngryPepper: wtffffffffffffffff
AngryPepper: does it have a meaning?
MaskedMuscle: not sure, that was my 2nd thought
MaskedMuscle: maybe it means something else?
AngryPepper: cheap, fast, and easy
AngryPepper: do they have this in supermarket?
MaskedMuscle: maybe at XYZA supermarket?
AngryPepper: hahahahahhah prob only in asia
AngryPepper: they can't sell that shit here
MaskedMuscle: would someone be offended?
AngryPepper: i wont hahahhaha
MaskedMuscle: what if I bought it?
AngryPepper: i want some too
AngryPepper: cuz it's cheap, fast, and easy
MaskedMuscle: what if I invited everyone over for late night food
MaskedMuscle: and served these noodles
AngryPepper: u should do that
MaskedMuscle: and one of the girls ask me what it is
MaskedMuscle: and I will say
MaskedMuscle: "soup for sluts"
AngryPepper: after late night of partying, u should serve us that
MaskedMuscle: ok
MaskedMuscle: well, let me go find some
MaskedMuscle: I'll ask the female workers at XYZA
MaskedMuscle: if they have "soup for sluts"
AngryPepper: hahahahha that's awesome
AngryPepper: do u have any soup for sluts??
AngryPepper: huh?
AngryPepper: soup for sluts!
AngryPepper: what???
AngryPepper: slut!
AngryPepper: slap! fuck outta here
MaskedMuscle: lol

Dau Ba Sing (Hard Slap)

2011-03-04T14:33:00.002-05:00

PizzaPrincess: the new girl decided to chime into my convo w/ my other coworker. not appreciated
PizzaPrincess: she got the PizzaPrincess stare down
MaskedMuscle: why she gotta be like that?
PizzaPrincess: no idea. I just prefer that she never speak to me and we just pretend that each other don't exist, she is pretending the latter
PizzaPrincess: well she was answering my question but i was not asking her
MaskedMuscle: she needs to know her role and shut her mouth
PizzaPrincess: exactly
MaskedMuscle: well I was telling JellyDonut the other day that they need to bring the "dau ba sing" back in style. that's why people mouth off so much now there's no dau ba sing coming 2 seconds after to put people back in their place
PizzaPrincess: hahahaha...that's classic
MaskedMuscle: intergender dau ba sing is not cool. but between co-workers and enemies. I think it should be acceptable
PizzaPrincess: do u have enemies?
MaskedMuscle: they are all dead. my dau ba sing killed them
PizzaPrincess: from ur "dau ba sing?" HAHAHAHAHAAH
MaskedMuscle: yes good guess. anyhow, you should've put her in her place when she barged into your conversation
MaskedMuscle: a hard slap in the face, that hasn't been used since the 80s. she'll be out cold and you'll be standing triumphant over her body
PizzaPrincess: I'll purposely use the ring side when i slap her

Drunk Communications

2011-02-18T12:47:00.005-05:00

MaskedMuscle: i can't believe you went to that technical school. what a sausage fest
Chrono: .. and thus my current predicament.
MaskedMuscle: should've gone to a school with mostly women. they would've been hungry for sausage.
Chrono: nah, I just needed to go into biotech. Even at that technical school, the biotech building was 70% female
MaskedMuscle: this is true. that's what I noticed. most of the women were civil or bio tech
Chrono: like skinny Italiana Jamie
MaskedMuscle: she deleted you after you drunk texted her and then pretended like she didn't know you when we saw her at the bar.
Chrono: ... so do that mean I should delete DD girl after she drunk called me?
MaskedMuscle: no, guys welcome drunk communications. I only aspire to reach the heights of greatness that you have
Chrono: yes, I aim to be on the speed dial for lonely drunk average chicks
MaskedMuscle: lol

Path of Destruction

2011-01-21T14:52:00.001-05:00

MaskedMuscle: FatWheel was telling me he was thinking of trying DC Universe Online. I told him that MMORPGs are very dangerous and will destroy his life
TooMuchCologne: he is married. his life is already on the path of destruction MaskedMuscle: LOLOLOL LMAO

Crossed Fingers

2010-11-08T16:22:00.001-05:00

MaskedMuscle: that US file had 788 million records
BanzaiBuckeye: more records than US citizens
MaskedMuscle: hmm
MaskedMuscle: we're still not in the clear yet
MaskedMuscle: still got 4 more profiles to load
MaskedMuscle: and UK is 262 mbs
MaskedMuscle: better than 7 gigs
BanzaiBuckeye: I'm hopeful, if you managed US, that the rest will be trivial in comparison
MaskedMuscle: i hope so too
MaskedMuscle: i tested the daily files
MaskedMuscle: they're fine
MaskedMuscle: so we should be ok
BanzaiBuckeye: there needs to be an ascii representation of crossed fingers
MaskedMuscle:
....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Like this?
BanzaiBuckeye: hmm
BanzaiBuckeye: not quite what I was hoping for

Manhands

2010-11-07T16:20:00.000-05:00

MaskedMuscle: I offered to harrass HGirl
MaskedMuscle: with phone calls
MaskedMuscle: however Voltron declined my offer
BanzaiBuckeye: seems reasonable
BanzaiBuckeye: wha>?!
BanzaiBuckeye: this confuses me
BanzaiBuckeye: were you threatening instead of offering?
MaskedMuscle: threatening and offering is just a point of view
BanzaiBuckeye: were you offering to threaten?
MaskedMuscle: yes
BanzaiBuckeye: that seems like a solid plan as well
BanzaiBuckeye: I like how she didn't answer when he called
MaskedMuscle: she's playing hard to get
BanzaiBuckeye: it's working
BanzaiBuckeye: we're now in full pursuit
BanzaiBuckeye: sadly, even manhands looks better
MaskedMuscle: ouch
MaskedMuscle: come on, manhands just needs to put some gloves on
MaskedMuscle: and should be good to go
BanzaiBuckeye: hmm
BanzaiBuckeye: and cover up the adam's apple
BanzaiBuckeye: it's a little distracting
MaskedMuscle: ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shittttt
BanzaiBuckeye: yeah
MaskedMuscle: she's a man!?!?
BanzaiBuckeye: well
BanzaiBuckeye: not saying "is"
BanzaiBuckeye: too present tense
BanzaiBuckeye: maybe... was?
MaskedMuscle: she was a man!?!??!
BanzaiBuckeye: I thinkn so
MaskedMuscle: omgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
BanzaiBuckeye: which is disturbing, since I thought she looked good that one second
BanzaiBuckeye: glad it wasn't two
MaskedMuscle: yeah
MaskedMuscle: otherwise your eyes would've burnt out
BanzaiBuckeye: double true

Halloween Buddha

2010-10-12T15:40:00.001-04:00

MaskedMuscle: there's a halloween party on the 30th
MaskedMuscle: for young professionals
MaskedMuscle: i'll forward you the invite
MaskedMuscle: I plan to go
AngryPepper: do u have to dress up?
MaskedMuscle: I don't think you have to
AngryPepper: oh ok
MaskedMuscle: if I had to guess
MaskedMuscle: you probably won't have to.
MaskedMuscle: this is not one of those parties where everybody dresses up
MaskedMuscle: anyhow, should be a good opportunity to meet single girls
AngryPepper: where this from?
MaskedMuscle: from Buddha
AngryPepper: what's that?
MaskedMuscle: Buddha was a spirtual teacher from India who founded Buddhism
AngryPepper: hahahahha
MaskedMuscle: so your savior is providing this opportunity
AngryPepper: hahahahha ok
AngryPepper: how did u hear this?
MaskedMuscle: I burned some incense and prayed for it
MaskedMuscle: and then I had a vision
MaskedMuscle: of a halloween party
AngryPepper: mmmmmkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
MaskedMuscle: well, if you change your mind about dressing up
AngryPepper: hmmm i'll think about it
MaskedMuscle: think about going or think about dressing up?
AngryPepper: both
AngryPepper: hahahahha
MaskedMuscle: ok
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: you are missing out
MaskedMuscle: the future Mrs AngryPepper could be there

TV Ninja

2010-09-15T15:34:00.001-04:00

AngryPepper: i only watch taht show, travel channel, sports, thats it
MaskedMuscle: hahaha
AngryPepper: and it costs me $102 a month and my roommate doesn't pay cuz she claims she doesn't watch it.
MaskedMuscle: well, it would cost less if your roommate wasn't such a tv ninja
AngryPepper: tv ninja???? hahahhaha
MaskedMuscle: watching it while you are away and then vanishing when you come home
AngryPepper: LOL
MaskedMuscle: fucking smoke bomb and everything
AngryPepper: hahahhaa tv ninja i like that
MaskedMuscle: I don't know how else to describe it
MaskedMuscle: but that's what comes ot mind
AngryPepper: it's true
MaskedMuscle: and ninja is a gamer term for someone who steals shit (in this case, cable) and then denies it and runs away laughing at the theft.

I Am Not Mafia!

2010-08-30T15:59:00.001-04:00

TreeNeedsWater: perhaps everyone has a vice but its hidden either that or they just dont have a great passion about one thing
MaskedMuscle: probably the latter. although I do agree that people have hidden vices as well. i.e. stuff that people don't actively talk about or not socially acceptable to talk about openly
TreeNeedsWater: i c
MaskedMuscle: or perhaps the obsession is so great that the person is embarrassed by it
TreeNeedsWater: ooh
MaskedMuscle: yesssss for example someone who is addicted to sex
TreeNeedsWater: are u trying to tell me something MaskedMuscle?!
MaskedMuscle: no lol
TreeNeedsWater: cuz if u r, I'm totally ok with it. I do not judge
MaskedMuscle: there are sex maniacs out there but I am not one of them. lol I am not mafia
TreeNeedsWater: lol

Beware the Internet Police!

2010-08-10T15:12:00.001-04:00

FlyLikeAnEagle: chomping on some kale...it will smell like i'm high when i come running in to eat some pizza in front of the clients
MaskedMuscle: good idea!
FlyLikeAnEagle: maybe they'll think i'm from amsterdam
MaskedMuscle: he'll ask for some of your stuff
MaskedMuscle: or who your deal is
MaskedMuscle: who your dealer is
FlyLikeAnEagle: i dare you to yell out, "Hey is anyone else's UTorrent going slow?!?"
MaskedMuscle: no way
MaskedMuscle: that's suicide
MaskedMuscle: the cops are waiting outside
MaskedMuscle: with the wagon
MaskedMuscle: to arrest all the pirates
MaskedMuscle: why do you think TelescopeJ and Slacker used that excuse to leave
MaskedMuscle: to pick up the pizza together
MaskedMuscle: 4 pizza boxes can't be that heavy
FlyLikeAnEagle: that's true
FlyLikeAnEagle: that could be why someone was following you yesterday...they were sniffing out who they were going to take down today
MaskedMuscle: exactly
MaskedMuscle: it all fits together now
MaskedMuscle: the guy chasing me was a private investigator
MaskedMuscle: probably trying to see if I am distributing pirated movies
FlyLikeAnEagle: that's why these guys are meeting in the video conference room instead of the conf room near my desk...they want access to the routers to tap into the routing tables
MaskedMuscle: exactly
MaskedMuscle: they are here to arrest us!
MaskedMuscle: TO ARMS!
FlyLikeAnEagle: too bad we never got windows...we need an escape route
MaskedMuscle: there is no escape!
MaskedMuscle: from the internet police
MaskedMuscle: also known as interpol
FlyLikeAnEagle: pretty soon the internet will be locked down like China
FlyLikeAnEagle: it will be like cable tv
FlyLikeAnEagle: a handful of stations
MaskedMuscle: the real purpose for them to do this
FlyLikeAnEagle: and that's it
MaskedMuscle: is to make sure
MaskedMuscle: that they are the only ones downloading movies
MaskedMuscle: so that they get all the bandwith
MaskedMuscle: that's why they are catching everyone else
MaskedMuscle: it's a conspiracy so that rich people can dl movies in under 5 seconds
FlyLikeAnEagle: in blue ray quality
MaskedMuscle: yes
FlyLikeAnEagle: all of us peasants are clogging the tubes

Latina Tina Fey + Tight Clothes

2010-05-25T14:46:00.000-04:00

MaskedMuscle: just saw a brunette come from the bank
MaskedMuscle: thin, ok looking
FlyLikeAnEagle: in the hallway?
MaskedMuscle: lot of trinkets on her wrist
MaskedMuscle: yeah, omw back from the bathroom
MaskedMuscle: with glasses
MaskedMuscle: like tina fey
FlyLikeAnEagle: hmmm...i've seen a brunette in the hallway, but it doesn't fit that description
MaskedMuscle: yeah
MaskedMuscle: this one isn't as good looking as the others
FlyLikeAnEagle: she's more of a Zoe from Lost?
FlyLikeAnEagle: the poor man's Tina Fey
MaskedMuscle: i would describe her as a latina tina fey
MaskedMuscle: def not the brunette we've seen before
MaskedMuscle: who came over here asking us some question about the AC
MaskedMuscle: she's hawt
FlyLikeAnEagle: there is one younger latina chick that is pretty solid
MaskedMuscle: hmm
MaskedMuscle: perhaps that's the same girl?
FlyLikeAnEagle: the one i'm thinking of is very petite
FlyLikeAnEagle: not that short, but skinny
MaskedMuscle: she's petite
MaskedMuscle: fo sho
MaskedMuscle: she's about my height
MaskedMuscle: petite
FlyLikeAnEagle: this is the hot girl or the tina fey girl?
MaskedMuscle: the tina fey girl
MaskedMuscle: the latina
MaskedMuscle: she's petite
FlyLikeAnEagle: how old?
MaskedMuscle: 20s
FlyLikeAnEagle: this could be the same girl...i don't remember her having glasses
MaskedMuscle: probably just wearing them today for show
MaskedMuscle: she had her hair tied back
MaskedMuscle: so it made her look like a secretary
FlyLikeAnEagle: if this is the same girl, she came into our office once in tight white ass pants
MaskedMuscle: yeah she was waering them today
MaskedMuscle: very tight outfit
MaskedMuscle: to show off her 105 pound frame
FlyLikeAnEagle: Latinas love tight clothes

Skinny Fat

2010-05-24T14:42:00.000-04:00

MaskedMuscle: TelescopeJ says he's getting fat
MaskedMuscle: and is going to be hitting the gym
FlyLikeAnEagle: skinny fat like Chrono?
MaskedMuscle: hahaha
MaskedMuscle: yeah
MaskedMuscle: did you know TelescopeJ weighs 160?
FlyLikeAnEagle: what?
FlyLikeAnEagle: thats about what i weigh
MaskedMuscle: 160
FlyLikeAnEagle: there's no way he's that much
MaskedMuscle: I was like uh... I weigh like 145 and I've got a few inches on him
MaskedMuscle: he was like we're the same height right?
MaskedMuscle: I was like umm no
FlyLikeAnEagle: not even close
MaskedMuscle: remember when I had the body fat machine?
FlyLikeAnEagle: yup
MaskedMuscle: I remember his body fat measurement being low
MaskedMuscle: perhaps he's gained a ton of weight since?
MaskedMuscle: I recall it being like 9 or 10%
FlyLikeAnEagle: he is definitely not the model of health...works as many if not more office hours than anyone...has a terrible diet...doesn't sleep
MaskedMuscle: lol
FlyLikeAnEagle: plus he's getting married which is historically bad for a man's health
MaskedMuscle: this is true
MaskedMuscle: I told him to stop eating general gau's
MaskedMuscle: I said start there
FlyLikeAnEagle: haha...that stuff is potent
FlyLikeAnEagle: tasty but evil
MaskedMuscle: I said even I don't eat it
MaskedMuscle: and I"m not exaclty tight on my diet

Pizza and a Coke

2010-03-25T14:13:00.000-04:00

CallMeDickySon: so what u planning to do?
MaskedMuscle: probably just invite her out for a slice of pizza and a coke
MaskedMuscle: and call it a day
CallMeDickySon: hahahahahha
CallMeDickySon: u serious?
MaskedMuscle: of course
MaskedMuscle: ;-)
CallMeDickySon: no seriously u taking her out for pizza?
MaskedMuscle: of course not!
MaskedMuscle: lolololol
CallMeDickySon: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CallMeDickySon: hahahahhahahahha
MaskedMuscle: if I had the balls to do something like that
MaskedMuscle: I wouldn't be single
CallMeDickySon: hey u never know they might like it
CallMeDickySon: some girls dont care
MaskedMuscle: I will kowtow down to anyone in public who successfully pulls it off the first time they have met someone for a date
MaskedMuscle: I will even throw McDonald's or BK in there.
CallMeDickySon: hahahahahha

Battle Royal Bachelor Party

2010-03-23T15:57:00.000-04:00

MaskedMuscle: BeePollen is disappointed that there isn't a bigger turnout
MaskedMuscle: or larger group going
WokkaWokka: yea
WokkaWokka: more the merrier
MaskedMuscle: that's what he said
MaskedMuscle: but I told him, it might turn out better this way
WokkaWokka: unless he wants to go local
MaskedMuscle: right
MaskedMuscle: I think before we finalize our trip to XCity
MaskedMuscle: I'll ask him
MaskedMuscle: based on the fact that it will be 4 or 5 of us
MaskedMuscle: does he still want to go?
WokkaWokka: yea
MaskedMuscle: well
MaskedMuscle: if we do it local
MaskedMuscle: I was thinking we should have a battle royal
MaskedMuscle: and then the winner of that
MaskedMuscle: faces BeePollen for the World Heavyweight Championship
WokkaWokka: ??
WokkaWokka: battle royal?
MaskedMuscle: yeah
WokkaWokka: video game?
MaskedMuscle: no, for real
WokkaWokka: ok
MaskedMuscle: and then towards the end of the finish
MaskedMuscle: we should run out
MaskedMuscle: and then beat him up
MaskedMuscle: and spray nWo on his back
WokkaWokka: i'll bring the chair
MaskedMuscle: I'll bring the sledgehammer
MaskedMuscle: and then we'll show the video highlights at the wedding
WokkaWokka: haha
MaskedMuscle: lol
MaskedMuscle: recap narrated by Jim Ross
MaskedMuscle: and Jerry Lawler
WokkaWokka: put together some voice clips of them

Getting Email Address from an Exotic Dancer

2010-03-12T12:30:00.001-05:00

NashKool: what is the point of an exotic dancer giving you their email?
NashKool: what the heck am i suppsoe to do with that?
MaskedMuscle: so that you can email her to setup an appt for sex
NashKool: oh
MaskedMuscle: or you could ask for the number
MaskedMuscle: and just text her the same thing
NashKool: hahaha
MaskedMuscle: that would be the post 2007 thing to do
NashKool: hehhe
NashKool: bitch is all the way out in Vegas
MaskedMuscle: she'll fly
MaskedMuscle: tell her your a baller shot caller
NashKool: HAHAHA
MaskedMuscle: who be dippin in the benz with the spoiler
MaskedMuscle: ugh ugh
NashKool: LOL
MaskedMuscle: but yeah
MaskedMuscle: email her
MaskedMuscle: let her know you enjoyed her company
MaskedMuscle: and that you'd like to invite her over to your place for sex
MaskedMuscle: and if it's good, you'll take her out to IHOP after
MaskedMuscle: however if she tries to rob you or the sex is bad, according to the Hooker Laws, you are allowed to kill her and throw her in the trash.
MaskedMuscle: you can ask RoastPork about the law
NashKool: oh okay
NashKool: hehehe
MaskedMuscle: anyhow, I hope that answers your question.
NashKool: thank you wise one?

Sunday Dinner Review - 16

2009-11-29T23:14:00.009-05:00

Theme: Filipino

Attendees:
WC,ET,CH,RH,EH,JW,KZ,EO,SC

First Dish:

Pork Sisig

Second Dish:

Embutido

Third Dish:

Ginaatang Seafood

Fourth Dish:

Pancit

Fifth Dish:

Filipino Bistek

Sixth Dish:

Chicken Afritada

Seventh Dish:

Baked Lumpia

Eight Dish:

Avocado Shake

Sunday Dinner Review - 15

2009-10-05T23:11:00.000-04:00

Theme: Moroccan

Attendees:
WC,ET,CH,RH,JW

First Dish:

Salmon

Second Dish:

Moroccan Chicken

Third Dish:

Chicken and Chickpea Tagine

Fourth Dish:

Harissa Pork Chops

Sunday Dinner Review - 14

2009-09-09T11:11:00.004-04:00

Theme: Chinese - Hunan style

Attendees:
WC,BKC,ET,KB,VC

First Dish:

Hot and Sour Soup

Second Dish:

Tofu in Fermented Black Bean Sauce

Third Dish:

Dong'an Chicken

Fourth Dish:

Hunan cucumber and chicken salad

Fifth Dish:

Szezhuan Spicy Eggplant with Chicken

Sunday Dinner Review - 13

2009-09-03T21:42:00.007-04:00

Theme: Mediterrenean

Attendees:
WC,EH,RH,JW,ET,BC,MK,LS,KZ,VC,SC

First Dish:

Tomato Mozarella Salad

Second Dish:

Mediterranean Succotash

Third Dish:

Greek Layered Dip

Fourth Dish:

Mediterranean Chicken Pasta

Fifth Dish:

N/A

Sixth Dish:

Baklava Tartlets

Seventh Dish:

Veggie Mediterranean Sandwich

Eighth Dish:

Veggies with Curry Hummus

Sunday Dinner Review - 12

2009-08-23T20:41:00.002-04:00

Theme: Deep Sea Fishing

Attendees:
WC,EH,CH,RH,JW,ET,EO

First Dish:

Mango Curried Shrimp Salad

Second Dish:

Sweet and Spicy Pan-Seared Sea Bass

Third Dish:

Steamed Sea Bass

Fourth Dish:

Baked Sea Bass

Sunday Dinner Review - 11

2009-06-07T16:34:00.004-04:00

Theme: Restaurant Imitation

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,RH,JW,ET,JH,CH,WuC,EO,SC

First Dish:

Juicy Lucy's

Second Dish:

Lasagna

Third Dish:

Buffalo Wings

Fourth Dish:

Aussie Cheese Fries

Fifth Dish:

Minestrone Soup

Sixth Dish:

Chicken Marsala

Seventh Dish:

Potato Skins

Sunday Dinner Review - 10

2009-01-18T21:43:00.005-05:00

Theme: Lunar New Year

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,RH,JW,ET,JH,CH,AC,LLC,SC,MT

First Dish:

Shark Fin Soup

Second Dish:

Dumplings

Third Dish:

Fot Choy Hoe See

Fourth Dish:

Peking Duck

Fifth Dish:

Soy Sauce Wings

Sixth Dish:

Ketchup Shrimp

Seventh Dish:

Sticky Rice

Eighth Dish:

Longevity Noodle

Ninth Dish:

Red Bean Dessert

Sunday Dinner Review - 9

2009-01-04T23:17:00.006-05:00

Theme: French

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,RH,FW,JW

First Dish:

Berry Vanilla Crepes

Second Dish:

Chicken Cordon Bleu

Third Dish:

Leek Potato Soup

Fourth Dish:

Sea Scallops With Sauce Meuniere

Trip to Japan and China - Day 1

2008-11-22T02:25:00.005-05:00

This is my blog covering my trip to Japan and China from Nov 7 to Nov 22.

Day 1 - Friday November 7, 2008 + Saturday, November 8, 2008 - Travel Day

So I get up at 4:30 am to take the train to Logan Airport. I get there fairly early and through security by 6. I call Chrono to see where he is. He's still home at 6 am for an 8:30 flight.

I find a seat and call my friend in Japan. I inform him we're on our way. I call Verizon to make sure I can make phone calls in Asia.

Chrono arrives and I meet Xeno for the first time.

We get on the plane, I watch Dark Knight several times as well as Mamma Mia, Devil Wears Prada and the Office episode where Dwight give his speech to the salesman convention.

Food comes and my neighbor spills her drink on herself. I offer her a napkin. She declines.

I fall asleep listening to my Ipod. I wake up several hours later.

Dinner comes and after my neighbor was done, she spills the whole tray on herself. At this point, I am horrified but glad nothing got on me.

We arrive in Japan on Saturday at 2pm. We are amazed that we have arrived.

We exchange money and basically our money is multiplied by 100. (95 to be exact) But as we find out later, everything costs essentially the same as it does in the US.

We head down to the JR Line to pick up our rail passes that we purchased in advance. When we reach the office, a fellow traveler notes asks us if we had been asked for our passport numbers. Apparently he had been asked and had given it to a man wearing a uniform. We joke to him that perhaps he just got hustled. We also notice an attractive asian girl in the office. We exchange glances and then move out after getting our passes.

I'm thirsty, so I view a drink vending machine for the first time. They're very nice looking, they put all the drinks in a row so that you know exactly what you are getting. I purchase a green tea drink. It's kinda tasteless.

The attractive asian girl from the ticket office comes over to the vending machine and we chit chat for a moment about where we got change to use for the machine. She calls her friend on a cell phone she just rented and is speaking in mandarin. We move on.

We go downstairs and wait for our train. The same girl comes down a few minutes later with a goofy looking japanese guy and she introduces herself and her friend. She then asks us what our plans are in Japan and if we plan to visit Kyoto etc. We confirm and she offers her rented cell phone number and tells us to call her so that we can travel together.

None of us have a pen or paper so Xeno takes a picture and do so as well on my cell phone. I thought to myself, "If only it were this easy in the US!"

We get on the train and it's a nice leisurely ride into the city. We get off at Shinjuku station and get our bearings of where we are and where the hotel is. We get a map and ask for where it is. The one thing we've noticed so far that most of the employees at the train station speak just enough english to guide us to where we need to go.

We head out and it's gorgeous out in Tokyo. Lots of pretty girls walking around and just a rush of people going to and from. We reach our hotel and we are beat. I see that my friend in Tokyo has left a message with us and he instructs us to meet him in Roppongii for a birthday party at an italian restaurant.

We arrive and my friend greets us. We reach the restaurant and it is tiny. The first thing I notice is that they can smoke indoors. A bit overwhelming for those who are spoiled by the US rules against that. We sit down and a cute girl named Momoko (japanese for Peach). Most if not all of the people at this party speak japanese. Another thing I notice is that they're all very friendly and ask us how our trip was.

At the end of the meal, it comes out to 8000 yen per person for italian appetizers/wine/pasta (80 US)!

OUCH!!! WELCOME TO JAPAN, SON!!!

Chrono and Xeno call it the night, citing jet lag. I tell myself I must continue to fight the lag.

We then head to a bar afterwards and we meet more people. Among them is this absolutely gorgeous but shy japanese girl. I end up telling them about myself and what I plan to do in Japan. Apparently most folks haven't been to certain places, citing cost and reason. I suppose it would be the same as someone telling me that they're going to Washington DC and I'd probably say I've never been there and probably will never go.

At this point, I'm pretty tired. I inform my friend that I am tired and we leave. On the way back, we have the following exchange:

my friend: "So what did you think?"

me: "outside of the crazy cost of dinner, it was a great time, I like how some of your friends spoke english. Plus some of those girls were really cute."

my friend: "Did you ask for any of their numbers?"

me: "No, what the heck would I do with it? I'm only here for a week and I'm leaving Tokyo on Monday morning. One of them barely understood what I was saying. She just stared blankly at me a few times."

my friend: "Just ask for it anyways."

me: "Dude, if anything, you should definitely be pursuing at least one of them."

I return to the hotel and sleep.

End of Day 1

Trip to Japan and China - Day 2

2008-11-21T03:00:00.007-05:00

Day 2 - Sunday, November 9, 2008 - Seeing Tokyo

So we wake fairly early the next day, around 7 am. We are unsure of what to do but we agree that we should go out and get some breakfast.

Nothing is open.

For some reason, I pictured noodle shops or some kind of breakfast place open.

I'm thirsty so I opt for something out of the vending machine.

Pocari Sweat - Japan's Answer to Gatorade.

It's basically Gatorade without the food coloring, which if you think about it, is probably healthier. Err... Not.

We can't find anything open, so we opt for Krispy Kreme (so much for being healthy). It is here that we have our first real encounter where we're unable to communicate properly with the employees. I just point and gesture. We finish our meal and we discuss about how hot the girls are in Japan. We openly talk about it, figuring that most probably don't know what we're saying or would have trouble following our dialogue.

We decide our first stop is Harajuku. Harajuku is where teenagers (not just girls) go hang out and dress like weirdos. We didn't huge congregation of them at any point but as we walk through the shopping areas, we saw a few here and there. Probably the craziest costume we saw was this big fat girl dressed up as a maid.

Let me put it this way, it made me uneasy and wanted to gtfo Harajuku.

Our next stop was Akihabara. Also known as "Electric City". It is basically just a gigantic area of arcades and games. We stop by the Sega store and go up 7 floors worth of arcade games. Apparently Street Fighter 4 is out so I decide to give it a try. They set it on "easy" as a terrible SF player like myself is tearing through the computer. The interesting thing about these new arcade games is that rather than having someone stand next to you if they want to challenge you, they sit on the other side. They can also watch you play rather than watching over your shoulder.

As I beat every challenger, I started to mash the buttons really loud so they can hear it and then I stood and raised my hand in victory. After about a half hour, I was so arrogant about it, I took a victory gallop around the gaming machine area to show up my opponent. Basically, I pretended like I was riding my horse around the guy.

Needless to say, we had to leave fast before he went buckwild from embarrassment. We grab a quick meal at Curry Meal place. Basically you buy a ticket at the vending machine and then sit down and they bring the dish over. It's cheap, fast and delicious. It was also the first time Chrono and Xeno had been to such a place.

We continue walking through Akihabara and run into a girl dressed as a maid (pictures to come). She is promoting a place called maid cafe where girls dress as maids and serve you. Not with sex but with food and drink. Basically it caters to those with a maid fetish. We go to check it out and we find there are 2 floors. One for food and the other for massage. Unsure of what would happen at the massage place and noticing the massive line to get into the cafe, we move on.

We wander for a bit, looking for an internet cafe and then other nerdy stores like model robots and arcades. We find an internet cafe and apparently they double as bookstores so that guys can read anime books. We send a few emails and then decide to head to Asakusa.

Asakusa has a very nice temple and a long row of vendors. Their feature treat is octobus balls. Not testicles but like fish balls but made out of octopus. The area is also famous for its restaurants. We decide to call it the day and head back to the hotel.

We take a nap at the hotel until my friend calls us to meet him in Roppongi. We drop off a majority of our luggage at his place so that when we travel outside of Tokyo, we don't have to take all of our stuff. We end up going to this korean BBQ place right in the main intersection of Roppongi. I notice that many of the places in this area are stacked up and the only way to know they are in a building is if you pay close attention to the billboards going up the side of the building. It is also here that we have our first encounters with the Nigerian hustlers who attempt to get you to go to their strip club/massage parlour.

The BBQ turns out to pretty good, our favorite is the cow tongue. The cost of dinner was about 2500 Yen per person, fairly good compared to the night before.

At the hotel, we discuss the prospect of calling the girl we met the day before. We felt it was odd that a girl who doesn't know us would be willing to travel with us alone and was so eager to give us her phone number. We decide it would be best not to call her, not only because we don't know who she was (she might be a con artist who would rob us blind if she stayed in our hotel room) but we don't have the accomodations for her, there was no benefit to bringing her along and we are not going to change our plans for her at this point. If she wasn't an attractive girl, we wouldn't even be giving it a second thought.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 3

2008-11-20T04:01:00.005-05:00

Day 3 - Monday, November 10, 2008 - Journey to Kyoto

We had purchased tickets to Kyoto on the JR Line for 9 pm. We figure that should be pretty easy to catch. Little did we know, we'd run into some serious rush hour traffic.

We get to Shinjuku station to catch the train to Tokyo station which is where our train to Kyoto leaves from. I notice a massive queue to get on the train but at least it is organized. I use this opportunity to quickly scarf the sausage egg mcmuffin I bought.

We get on the train and it is super packed. You don't need to grab onto the multitude of handlebars, just ride the sea of people. You're not going anywhere. As we ride the train to Tokyo station, we notice the numerous amounts of accidents. Perhaps it was just a bad day. Our train stops 2 stops short of where we need to go. We have 10 minutes and we are going to miss our train. Fortunately, another train arrives and picks us up and brings us to Tokyo station. We get tickets for a later train and ride the JR line to Kyoto. We are asleep for most if not all of it.

We get off and obtain a map of Kyoto. We start walking east towards our hotel and notice it becoming more and more rundown. We are concerned that we are not going the right way. We reach a main street and a local directed us to the hotel. She didn't speak a word of English.

At the hotel, we notice how nice the room is and how cute the women working at the front desk were. One of them looked like a pixie and helped show us where to go for the rest of the day. We ask her where "monkey mountain" is and she is unsure of what we are talking about. Officially, it is known as "Arashiyama Monkey Park Iwatayama (嵐山モンキーパークいわたやま)"

Our first stop was Kiyomizu Temple. Absolutely stunning. There were also a lot of cute girls there. Some of which were in traditional dress.

We notice that at various points, there are ways to get luck.

1. splash water on your hands, face or drink it.
2. ringing bells
3. sniffing incense or smoke
4. bowing in front of massive buddhas.
5. burning candles.
6. writing words onto a straw man and throwing it into the water.
7. Buying various charms.

We then continued walking into the main city area and couldn't find a decent restaurant. So we decided to eat at this ice cream place that served all sorts of awesome desserts.

We then continued our walk to find a kabuki show to watch. Not open.

So we continue to some of the temples which were lit up at night.

When we went to pay, we noticed admissions was about 800 yen (8 US dollars) and when Chrono went to pay, apparently the monk forgot or didn't take Chrono's money as he must of gotten confused with the deluge of visitors. After it happened, we had the following conversation:

Chrono: "Yo, the monk forgot to take my money!"

Me: "Are you serious?"

Xeno: "Damn dude, you do that on purpose, you stealing from a temple?"

Chrono: "He must've gotten confused by my sleight of hand!"

Me: "WTF, are you David Copperfield now? Gentlemen, for my next trick, I will steal from the elderly... yay! (fake applause)"

(laughter)

Me: "Well I hope you enjoy your free tour, David Copperfield!"

That was interesting to see as the temple was very well kept, the lawn would light up with lights and they give you a lantern to walk around with.

But at this point, my legs were starting to give out on me. We had walked close to 7 or 8 miles up hills and stairs at this point. It was like walk for hunger, but worse.

We walked back to the hotel and collapsed into bed.

End of Day 3

Trip to Japan and China - Day 4

2008-11-19T04:42:00.002-05:00

Day 4 - Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - Trip to Monkey Mountain, Deer Park and Journey to Hakone.

We wake up and we treat ourselves to a hearty breakfast. We notice the main hostess and how beautiful she is. We head off to Sanjusangen-do Hall which is right next door to the hotel. The whole building covers 1001 Buddhist statues, making it one of the most impressive display of the kind in Japan (or even worldwide). The largest statue in the middle represents the Thousand-Armed Kannon (the Buddhist Goddess of Mercy), although she actually has only 40 arms, each said to save 25 worlds.

Kannon is flanked by 500 smaller statues on each side. The statues are quite similar in size and appearance, but the facial traits of each of them is unique.

After that, we catch a train to Arashiyama where the monkey parkis. We walk over the famous bridge and reach the monkey park. We journey up the hill and notice how steep the climb is. As we get closer, we see the monkeys around us. We are tenative at first as we've never been this close to them before. But once we see other people, we feel more relieved and go into the central building at the top. From the top, you can see most of the city.

We decide to purchase peanuts and start feeding the monkeys peanuts. We decide to put their intelligence to the test and offer them empty shells. They slap it away, knowing it is no good. We even dip the peanut in our power drink and it will actually sniff it first before eating it. Some of the bigger monkeys will actually snatch it away from the smaller ones if given the opportunity. The monkey keeper yells out feeding time and starts playing this music. It gets the monkeys attention as they gather around the keeper and eat. We are thoroughly entertained.

We move down the hill and head to our next activity. The romance train. Basically a train that leads you through the forest and shows you all the foliage. Only problem is, the leaves haven't completely turned yet. So we didn't see much of anything. Also, it passes through multiple tunnels. We get on the train and head for Nara, a town south of Kyoto. About an hour away. It is there that we will see the Nara deer.

We arrive in Nara and the first thing I ask one of the women at the station is, "where is the deer?". She points it out and I circle it with the pen and label it "DEER" in big capital letters. We set foot and we reach the area where we spot several deer. Unfortunately, there is no cookie vendor to be seen so we keep moving towards Todaji Temple. It is here that we start to hear screaming coming from schoolgirls unaccustomed to feeding deer.

We buy 4-5 stacks of cookies and I hand them out to Chrono and Xeno. Immediately the deer are around us like pigeons and start prodding us for cookies. One of them bites my jacket to indicate it means business. Another rams Chrono in the butt, fortunately the deer no longer had antlers, as they are cut off to be used for medicine. I start to walk away and there is no escape. They are all around us, so I take the opportunity to jump onto the ledge to get away from them and test the theory that they will bow for the cookie.

We head towards Todaji Temple and it is here that there are huge masses of deer and tons of schoolkids running around or away from them. I take a video of it and realize that the temple is closing soon. I quickly purchase a ticket, take Chrono's ticket and run for the door. I make it in Indiana Jones style (forward tuck dive and tumble) and then take pictures of everything inside. We realize that it is getting late and we head to the train station to catch the train towards Hakone, which is 1 hour north and 2 hours east of where we are. I am also starving at this point as we have not taken the time to stop and eat anywhere since breakfast.

We basically catch the last train leaving Kyoto for Tokyo and then switch our train to the local train which costs about 800 yen. It is also the last train. The interesting part about the train is the conductor will have to stop at various stops and hit a switch manually outside the train to allow the train to go the opposite directions. The reason for this is because Hakone is a mountain resort town. Mt Fuji is visible from there. We get off the train and then we are eventually able to hail a cab up the hill to the hotel. We are convinced that we would've probably been killed if we attempted to walk to the hotel because there are no sidewalks or lights.

We check in and realize our room has an excellent view. We celebrate our long day by having a cup of noodles near the window.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 5

2008-11-18T05:17:00.008-05:00

Day 5 - Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - Hakone Spa, Journey through Hakone back to Tokyo.

After 4 long days, we decide to dedicate this one day to take it easy and relax. We decide to a local spa to bathe in the hot spring water and get massages.

The hotel concierge recommends a particular one so we get to it a bit early and wander town a bit. Not much to see and dangerous to walk since there are no sidewalks at certain points.

The spa opens at 10 am and nobody speaks any English.

This is a sample conversation:

Me: "We're here for hot springs."

Lady: (nods and smiles awkwardly)

Me: This. (points at sheet)

Lady: (points at price)

Me: Ok great, thanks!

Using gestures, we point at what we want and they let us know massages won't be available until 11:30. We go to the locker room, change, shower a bit and then head into the hot tubs. Just to give you an idea, the hot tubs are outdoors and you must be in the nude. So we each take a towel and cover up our privates and head out. It is about mid 40s out, so we get into the tub and it is hot as hell. We move out to various tubs and try them out. I find one that is just right and relax in it. You can see the mountains from where we are and it begins to rain. We switch between lying out in the cold and going back into the hot tub. It is very relaxing.

After 2 hours, I go inside and they tell me there are no more massages available today. I go back out for another hour of hot tub and then come back in for lunch. The waitress knows no english so we gesture and point to things in the menu.

After lunch, we decide to ride the ropeway car over the mountains. It is quite the site to see and requires 4 different stops to get over the mountain. We can make out Mt Fuji in the distance but it is very cloudy that day and we cannot get a good picture of it.

Once we reach Lake Ashii, we take a boat across it. On the boat, we saw a Lin Chiling lookalike with this guy. Unbelievable...

We then took a bus to Odawara where we took the train back to Tokyo.

We check into our hotel in Roppongi. We go up to the room and it's probably like 200 sqft. If I were fat, I probably would not have made it to the bed. We go back downstairs and ask for a larger room. Xeno chooses to sleep on the floor rather than share a bed with Chrono or I.

My friend calls us and lets us know that we can come by and pick up our luggage at his place at 10:30. We meet up with him and he tells us that he cannot join us for dinner due to work obligations. We eat at a place nearby and see a group of really cute japanese girls. Chrono and I try speaking to them but realizes that none of them speak any english. We go back to eating our meal and then call it the night.

On a random note, there is an inordinate amount of people wearing masks. I would estimate 1 in 25 people are wearing masks to cover their mouths. I am not sure whether they are sick or whether they are terrified of other people wearing masks.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 6

2008-11-17T10:44:00.003-05:00

Day 6 - Thursday, November 13, 2008 - Tokyo Towers, Ginza and Karaoke Night

So we wake up and start wandering around Roppongii area. We stop first at the TV Asahi building to see if we can get a tour or get into the tower. We get neither. We then start walking back towards the main Roppongii area where we stop and eat a noodle place. I forgot the name but it's on one of the main streets.

We continue our walk towards Tokyo Towers. Apparently Chrono and Xeno have an affinity for high places so that they can take pictures of the landscape. For me, it's kinda meh.

After we finish touring the towers, we head to Ginza district. Famous for being a very expensive area as well as being the theatre district.

We drop by the Sony building and check out some of the latest gadgets. Everything is outrageously priced but we can't help but notice the unbelievable quality of the products.

We walk down the street and it is at this point that I notice the Kabuki-Za theater. I go to check out the shows and I'm determined to check it out. I ask the guys if they want to check it out. I can sense some hesitation. I figure, "fck it, this is my vacation, i'm gonna do what I want." I buy the ticket for the whole show (3 showing) instead of a single showing. It starts at 11 and ends around 3:30 pm.

We then walk into the Tsukiji Fish Market area. It's pretty much shutting down. I am determined to come back the following morning for breakfast before the show.

We decide to head back to the hotel and then call Rygar, a friend of Chrono's. He's a local. We end up falling asleep for a few hours until Rygar calls us to meet up with him in Roppongi. We end up going to this unlisted teppanyaki restaurant. It was pretty good. The conversations we had were pretty entertaining. The most interesting question I got was:

Rygar asks "What do you think of Chrono?"

To which I replied: "Chrono is a villain."

(perplexed look on face of Rygar)

Afterwards, Rygar asked us what we wanted to do. We decide to go to an open bar karaoke place. However, Rygar didn't know of any so we ended up having the waiter from the restaurant walks us over.

We arrive and we are the only people there. There is a cute bartender, however her teeth are busted. We start singing songs. I start it fast with "Daydream Believer" and "Uptown Girl". This gets everyone going and we sing a variety of songs.

As we're singing, we are doing lots of drinks. I notice my mixed drink barely has any hard liquor in it. Rygar, on the other hand, has been downing beers since dinner. He is starting to slur a bit and as other patrons come in and start singing songs, he starts insulting them. He says they are terrible singers and are butchering the songs. He even accuses one of the groups of being rude bastards.

At this point, we figure he's had enough, so we call it the night and just when we do, 2 really hot girls stroll in. We take Rygar out and he bids us farewell. We walk back through Roppongi square and then back to our hotel room.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 7

2008-11-16T12:26:00.007-05:00

Day 7 - Friday, November 14, 2008 - Tsukiji, Kabuki, Massage and Seventh Heaven

I wake up around 8:30 and head off to the Ginza area to get some sushi breakfast at Tsukiji. The guys ask me to wait for them as they wish to come. We get to the fish market and we don't know which place to go to. We choose the place that doesn't have as much traffic.

We go in and there is an effeminate and friendly sushi guy. He reminds of Big Gay Al character from South Park.

He asks us what we would like. Chrono orders the eel, Xeno orders the bbq chicken (he doesn't eat seafood or vegetables) and I go with the tuna sashimi. As we're waitng for the food, he gives us a japanese lesson.

The only thing I got from the lesson was how to say please.

We finish our meal and then we head off to the Kabuki theatre. They rent out translator earpieces so that you know what is going on. I sit on the third floor on the side. Fantastic view as I am not far from the stage.

The first show I watch is KAMIKAKETE SANGO TAISETSU. Here's a brief description:

In 1825, Tsuruya Namboku IV (1755 - 1829) wrote The Ghost Stories of Yotsuya, the most famous ghost play in kabuki and after a long run, followed it with Kamikakete Sango Taisetsu. This play is a blend of Chushingura with its tangled stories of loyalties and masterless samurai that ultimately avenge their master's death and the story of Godairiki, about the love between a geisha named Koman and the samurai Satsuma Gengobei which is spoiled by the jealousy of a man named Sangoro. Namboku also added a touch of humor, with a haunted house which is supposed to be the original of the one that Namboku made famous with his ghost stories of Yotsuya..

The 2nd show was KURUWA BUNSHO. Here's a brief description:

The roots of this play go back to the earliest days of kabuki. The young lover Izaemon has been disowned by his family for loving a courtesan and now has nothing but a paper kimono. This role is a classic example of wagoto, the gentle style of acting that was popular in the Kansai region. Living National Treasure Sakata Tojuro stars as Izaemon, a role that is a specialty of his family's Kansai acting style. His lover Yugiri, the fabulous courtesan who falls ill pining away with love for him is played by onnagata female role specialist Kaishun.

The first show was excellent, Great pace, great story, I love the ending. The 2nd show had a tough act to follow. But the thing I found amusing was the guy's style of acting. It was entertaining to make up for the so-so story.

Another thing worth noting is that during the show when the actors do something or they enter the scene, there is a shoutout coming from the speakers in the crowds indicating the school of acting they are from and their generation. I thought that was cool.

If you haven't seen a kabuki show, definitely recommend checking it out. There was also a decent noodle place next door to the theatre.

Once I was done, I went back to the Roppongi district to look for a place to get a massage. I had done some research the day before and had found a cheap legit place to go to. I went to the street and all I found were clubs/strip clubs and shady places. The part I found surprising is that Roppongi is known for being friendly to foreigners and nobody spoke any english. I ended up walking up and down the street looking for this one place and never found it. I was resigned to giving up when I saw this one place near the train station.

I go in and they have a ticket system. I go in and they have a black sweatsuit that they give you to wear. I'm expecting a woman to come in and give the massage when an older man comes in and is the masseuse. I am very disappointed but figure well, let's see how it goes.

The massage was lousy, the guy was too strong and ended up causing me pain in my foot for the next 2 days. Awful, just awful.

I meet up with Chrono and Xeno and tell them about what I did. They tell me that they went back to Akihabara and bought some stuff. I call my friend to see if he is available to hang out. Unfortunately, he is still bogged down with work, so he suggests 2 bars we can go to.

We have basically two options:

1) go to a bar but be unable to communicate with anyone.
2) go elsewhere.

We opt for option 2 to check out the other nightlife.

Seventh Heaven

Seventh Heaven is a famous strip club known for having gorgeous women from all around the world.

As we are walking towards the Roppongi area, we stop at various restaurants to see if we should eat there. One place we stopped at didn't have any english menus. Another place served sushi which Xeno doesn't like. Chrono suggested eating at Yoshinori. We end up eating at this ghetto curry place that didn't serve very good food. Afterwards, we go to this yogurt place where Xeno can't get a cone with his ice cream. He is pissed off. It is during this time we notice that we are near the Konami building however we cannot get in as it is closed and none of us are elite like Solid Snake.

It is time to go to Seventh Heaven.

We go in and we pay 7500 yen per person just for entrance fee. We sit down and get 2 free drinks. At first, we are just watching the girls in the room and then as they go up to the stage. They are attractive but not drop dead gorgeous as we had though or hoped. All week, we had seen absolutely stunning european women walking the streets of Roppongi like we've never seen before. Somehow we thought maybe this was where they were working. Or they worked at the tv station Asahi.

As the night progressed at Seventh Heaven, women would come down and sit with us and ask us to buy them a drink.

We had the following exchange:

(blah blah how's it going)

girl: would you like to buy me a drink?

me: sorry, I can't, I have no money?

girl: you can use a credit card.

me: sorry, I left it at the hotel.

girl: so what can we do now?

me: nothing

(girl signals to her friend and they leave)

At this point, Chrono and Xeno had no intention of doing so and neither did I for that matter. We politely declined and then called it the night as we had to get ready to catch our flight to Shanghai.

On our way back, I had to go to the bathroom really bad so I ran quickly back to the hotel. When I got to the room, I saw a pretty woman come out of a room down the hall. I realize that it is probably a hooker as who visits people this late at night dressed like that?

Trip to Japan and China - Day 8

2008-11-15T08:58:00.009-05:00

Day 8 - Saturday, November 15, 2008 - Shanghai Arrival

On the way to the airport, I notice the amount of security in the area and I ask Xeno how much money he wanted to leave his suitcase near the security guy, run away and to scream something in his native language. I also offered to give him my ski-mask.

He politely declined, citing endangerment of his life.

So we get up to catch our flight and it's a pleasant one. All the stewardesses on the asian airline are pretty. We get to Shanghai around 2 in the afternoon. We meet Chrono's cousin LatJiu and cousin's gf XOCherng. They assume I speak Mandarin so they say a few things which I don't respond to.

They speak Mandarin, Toisan and Cantonese. So it appears that I will be speaking my cantonese quite a bit during the trip.

In fact, here is the interesting dynamic.

People of China speak Mandarin.

LatJiu and XOCherng speak Mandarin so they relay it either to Chrono in Toisan or to me in Cantonese.

Then we relay it to Xeno in English.

So there was a lot of, "so what did they say?" And just like in the game of Telephone, we were slightly skewing or modifying the true meaning.

For example:

Mandarin speaker: blah blah blah blah

Latjiu: (cantonese) they said it's spicy.

Me: (to Xeno) If you eat it, you will die horribly.

We check on the magnetic train aka the maglev to Shanghai and they've shut it down for the afternoon. Not sure what the deal is. We joke that it's due to a scheduled brownout.

Anyhow, we get on the bus and immediately, something doesn't seem right. The maglev is broken so we can't ride it to Shanghai. When you fly to Shanghai, it's to Pudong, which is east of Shanghai. Think of flying to TF Green to get to Boston.

I start to breathe heavy and I realize it is because the air quality in China is not so good. I start to get a headache and lightheaded. We see off in the sky clouds, turns out it's smog.

We arrive in the city and we see this random guy sleeping in the phone booth. He is apparently content with just lying there for the unforeseeable future.

We hop into a taxi and we ride into the area we're staying at. I forget the name of it at this time. We check into the hotel, it's kinda mediocre and I remind Xeno not to drink the water. We pour ourselves a glass and observe closely to the light like a group of scientists discovering the cure for cancer.

We go out into the town area and it's like chinatown but with more authentic structures. This is also our first encounter with the hustlers that roam the streets looking for foreigners like Xeno to buy watches, purses and other fake goods.
Latjiu and XOCherng take this time to buy a lot of snacks and candies for the train ride the following night. It is also during this time that I notice there is white rabbit candy for sale.

Latjiu offers me several treats and I tell him:

1. I will not any packaged treats in China.
2. I will not drink any of the water. In fact, when I shower, I won't even let it go in my eyes and when I brush my teeth, I will use bottled water.

I just had a horrible experience 2 years ago when I went to Europe and became sick for the last week of it. I did not need a repeat of that.

We keep moving and stop for dim sum. It is different in China as they keep the cart in one place and you pay as you go. There are also no plates so you eat straight out of the dish.

We get in contact with my friend in China and he tells us to meet him at the 4 Seasons. We go to take a taxi and we notice that the queue for it is super long. We start walking outside the area we are staying and it is super rundown. It reminded me of Escape from New York.

Lots of abandoned buildings, poor or no lighting and just chaos everywhere. People walking the streets and completely ignoring cars. We keep walking and it is impossible to get a taxi. Finally after about 15 blocks, we manage to get taxis an we meet my friend.

He takes us to the main eatery area and it is packed with people. We go upstairs this one place and we order a variety of things. The most interesting dish was this dish where it was rice cake in a shrimp sauce. We also had frog and some fish. The one thing I did notice was that the cost of food is much lower in comparison to Japan. Japan is about the same as the US whereas in China, it is much lower, for a good meal, it may cost somewhere in the neighborhood of 120 rmb which is like less than 20 bucks total for 5 people. This particular dinner costs us 200 RMB.

The area is also noticeably nicer than where we were before. Very modern and built up.

Afterwards, my friend offered to take us to a karaoke bar. Latjiu and XOCherng decide to go shopping and do their own thing so Chrono, Xeno and I go with my friend to the place. It was a lot of fun, we drank, sang songs and the place even had girls that came in to hang out with you. Unfortunately for us, they don't speak english so I actually spoke mandarin to the girl most of the night, she kept it simple for the most part. Which is very courteous of her.

I drank so much that I actually passed out at one point and woke up. It was time to go and we took a taxi back to the hotel.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 9

2008-11-14T11:27:00.002-05:00

Day 9 - Sunday, November 16, 2008 - The bad tour and the train to Beijing.

So we wake up fairly early, around 6:30, apparently we've been scheduled to do a tour in Shanghai to see a tower and some garden.

I go to McDonald's to pick up some breakfast and we wait outside. Chrono comes down and tell us we need to pack up and get our stuff ready. We give it to the hotel staff and check out.

The tour guide comes a bit early and says we need to get going, we're not ready so the tour bus leaves and picks up other people first. We end up waiting outside till about 8:30 am and then we are off on our tour.

We stop at the first place, which is more of a museum than it is a garden. It is lackluster.

There is a fish museum on one floor and a cheesy train ride with flashing lights. The one thing to note was that people like to throw paper money and coins onto the exhibits. Almost like a carnival game. According to some, it's for good luck or long life.

We leave and go to a tower. Unfortunately for us, the smog is out in full force and we can't see anything beyond a quarter mile.

The only saving grace is that the tour guide is kinda cute and at one point she tries to talk to me, she speaks in mandarin and I cannot understand what she is saying. I look at her kind of aghast and she laughs. Oh well...

We get on the bus and I'm thinking we are going somewhere else to see. Instead, we are taken to a knife factory and they are doing a demonstration. At this point, Chrono is furious, he doesn't want to sit on the demonstration and wants to know wtf is going on.

We get back on the bus after about a half hour and the bus takes us to a jade jewelry store. We've basically had enough at this point and storm out. We tell the tour guide that we want to go back to the hotel. She drives us back and drops us off.

We are determined to leave Shanghai at this point as we feel as though there isn't much to see and it's hard to get around plus the pollution and bad tour has ruined our moods. We go to the train station and it's a madhouse.

Among some of the notable things we saw:

1. a woman taking cigarettes from the trash and putting them into a bag.
2. a creepy chinese guy with blond hair and busted yellow teeth, wearing a white suit. He is offering cigarettes to random people and going up to attractive women here and there. We dub him "sharky". We are terrified to make eye contact with him.
3. Everybody loves to spit. Like everybody, I even saw an 12 year old kid smoke and then do the suck through the nose into the mouth. Absolutely disgusting.

We manage to get train tickets through scalpers and we sit for 4 hours in the station, waiting for the train. One situation we need to consider is that we only got 3 tickets which have beds and 2 where you sit in seats. I express concern about who is getting the beds but LatJiu and XOCherng insist we take the beds. Another thing is that 2 of them are in the same room and the other one is separate.

We get on the train and it's really nice. We wait for our roommates to arrive to see if they are willing to switch. It turns out to be an old couple, so no dice there. We then go to the other room where Chrono holds a ticket and it turns out to be an asian guy, a south american girl and a chinese girl. We chit chat for a bit and there is a bit of chemistry, fortunately for us, the chinese girl speaks decent english. They are both very friendly and the guys offer me Chrono's ticket to stay in that room. We hang out for a while and then decide to have dinner together.

We find that dinner is a bit lacking, a lot of the dishes we want are unavailable. I guess we're a bit late. We come back to the room and everyone is getting ready for bed. It is impossible to stay up with the lights off and I have a very good night sleep. It is a 13 hour train ride from Shanghai to Beijing and I end up sleeping 10 of it.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 10

2008-11-13T13:28:00.003-05:00

Day 10 - Monday, November 17, 2008 - Forbidden City, Temple of Heaven, Duck

So we wake up on the train and make our way to the hotel. The one thing we do is ask them if they do laundry. I had only brought 7 days worth of clothes and as you can tell from the pictures, I wore some things more than once. Whatever, it's all guys so gives a [care]. I give them my whole bag of laundry, unaware of what it would cost me per item.

Already, after leaving the train station, it is clearly much nicer in Beijing, weather-wise. They are noticeably less people but it is much colder. We take a taxi to the hotel, check in and then decide to wander the streets. The area we stayed in is called Wangfujing. It's this wide open area with lots of high class stores.

Leading up to this point in the trip, we joked that we would eat duck all day. So we were in search of it. One restaurant we went to, didn't open until the evening, so they told our scrubby asses to gtfo. Ok I kid, but they did ask us to come back later.

Chrono made it a note to say that in Beijing, it's not Peking Duck, it's just Duck.

We stop at this one restaurant in search of the famous Peking Duck. They weren't serving entire ducks at this place so we got scraps which were then used to make duck fajitas. Basically you take the wrap, put the duck in, some hoisen sauce, some veggies and then roll it up. A mere preview of what was yet to come.

The wind starts to pick up and we decide to walk towards Tiananmen Square.

Right across from it is the Forbidden City.

The Forbidden City is basically a gigantic fortress that contains one temple after another. Each of them is named something like "Temple of Great Tranquility" and so on and so forth. All I could think about was how cold it was (I was really poorly dressed for it) and somehow that contributed to me having to go piss like once an hour. Or maybe it was the excessive amount of tea I drank at the restaurant. Not sure, I would blame both equally at this point.

We get out of the opposite side of the Forbidden City and there the taxi drivers were being complete a-holes about taking us to the Temple of Heaven. Apparently the a-holes from Dulles Airport suddenly found their way to Beijing as they have the same attitude. We finally found someone who would take us there.

The Temple of Heaven is basically the same stuff. Just shrines and then at the end of it, there are two things of note. One is the wall of echos. So people go up to the wall and scream at it.

The next thing was this tablet that supposedly granted you long life or power or sexual prowess. I don't know, something good, as I am freezing my ass off, waiting to get back to the hotel.

We take a taxi back and just chill for a bit. We then set out to go back to the restaurant we found in the morning that served the famous peking duck. We look at the menu and we're horrified that it might cost 600 rmb, we have second thoughts but then I remind them that it's just this one time. It turned out that was just the dinner package they offered.

We look through the menu and it's kinda pricy by China standards. Everything costs roughly 15-20 US and more. We order the peking duck and as we wait, we see ducks being wheeled out by carts and the chef standing there and cutting the duck slice by slice like Thanksgiving. (fyi, this restaurant looks exactly like the one we went to)

Our waitress is noticeably attractive. Tall, slim, curvy in the right areas and very pretty. In fact, I'd like to point out that in Beijing, the people are noticeably taller and are not short like what we are used to seeing here. A lot of men are like 5'9+ and the women are about my height and with their heels, they're like 6 feet tall.

I asked Chrono how they could be and how we got shafted in the height dept. He replied:

"That is because you have to bigger to survive the cold in Beijing. They would not last in the heat of the South."

Nothing like a nonsense answer to silly question.

Anyhow, our waitress comes to our table and asks us what tea we would like to drink, we notice that her teeth are kinda busted. Xeno and I are horrified.

They serve us the duck and it's similar to what we had at lunch, slices of it on a plate, with the wrap and veggies to the side to add to it. I end up having a huge heap of it and I'm completely full.

After dinner, we get approached by a homeless woman who gets a bit too close to me. I take off and run in fear.

We then go to the night market area where we see a lot of exotic treats such as insects, worms and other things. Apparently the chinese know no limits. It is at this time, I notice that LatJiu and XOCherng are staring intently at these packages and keep asking for the price. I look closely at it and realize it is a preserved package of peking duck.

I am thoroughly disgusted that they are considering buying such an abomination and when I asked them who it was for, they said it was for their friends. I was grossed out.

We head back to the hotel and call it the night.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 11

2008-11-12T13:58:00.004-05:00

Day 11 - Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - Great Wall, Ming Tombs, Massage, Houhai

LatJiu arranged for a driver to take us to the Great Wall. The part we were going to is known as Ba Da Ling. We ate a massive breakfast at the hotel, knowing that we'd need all the energy we could get. The one thing I will note is that they serve fried rice, noodles and shanghai choi sum as part of it.

We get in the van and we drive to the Great Wall. It is noticeable how rundown some of the villages we are passing. I am unsure of whether it is just common or just below average.

We arrive and notice how cold it is. There are a number of vendors who approach us and get us to look at their goods. We buy gloves, hats and scarves for 1-2 US each. I had the option of getting either a communist hat or ski mask. I opt for the latter as I don't want the wind blowing into my face. I put on the ski mask and

Lat Jiu says: "you look like a terrorist (cantonese)"

I replied: "Thanks, Latjiu!"

As we approached the entrance to the Great Wall, I started getting the following reactions:

1. Looks of disbelief
2. Fear, absolutely terrified of me.
3. Laughter and pointing

We get in and we start hiking along the great wall. I say hike because it's not straight by any means. It's like a climb in some cases where you have to hold onto the rail and start bringing those knees up high each step.

We can see very far away, into the horizon and into the mountains. It's truly a sight to see. We also see a point far away where the wall no longer has people walking on it. We make it our goal to reach that point.

As we are walking, we stop to take many silly pictures. Among them are us jumping with glee, us lying on the ground as if to denote that we fell down, pictures of us displaying how steep it is and a lot of shots with the mountains in the background.

We reach the end of the allowed route for the Great Wall and we stroll in the market area. It is here that Xeno gets a lot of attention. Them calling out to him because he is clearly a foreigner. We, on the other hand, get no attention. We reach the bear park and here we see Asiatic Black Bear. It has the distinct mark across its chest like a bat. The cool thing is that they have plates of chopped up apples that you can throw to them and they will catch and eat it.

We called our driver and he drove the van by to pick us up. We stopped by a restuarant on the way to the Ming Tombs and ate.

The Ming Tombs were interesting, we checked that out. There is only one tomb actually open, the rest are more of the same. There's one for each dead Ming emperor.

We return from our long day and it is at this point that Xeno and I decide we need a massage for a long day of trekking. The rate is 280 rmb for 60 mins, which is roughly 40 US. A great deal if you think about it. Latjiu helps to negotiate for us and gets it down to 180 RMB.

The girls come to the room and both are fairly attractive. One of them looks like Zhang Ziyi except with a very shapely body. The other one is fairly cute as well.

They tell us to get down to our underwear and to lie in the bed. They get on top and go into the routine. The massage is very relaxing and the girls ask us various questions in mandarin. They giggle as I don't understand some of their questions.

Xeno and I joke afterwards that we had to stay disciplined and not let our little buddy get out of control in front of them. He tells me that he thought of monster cars and dead cats.

After the massage is over, we go to a nearby restaurant and eat some good food. It costs about 120 rmb which is amazing considering how good and how much food we got.

Our waitress was this short girl with a strong accent. I found it amusing the way she spoke and that sitting down, I was fairly close to her height.

After dinner, we head to Houhai, which is a popular bar district. As soon as we get out of the taxi, this woman starts to follow us and ask us where we are going. She tells us that we can each get a girl each for 100 rmb. She tells us that we just need to pass through this one dark area to the other side of the pond to reach it. Wary, we decline and head to a nearby bar where they are singing english songs. We sit and listen to a few songs before we decide we want to do karaoke.

We get in a cab and then we head to the hotel where they tell us that there is a nearby karaoke place. We go and we head up several levels before we notice that the elevators are no longer working and that there are rooms numbered upstairs. We use the bathroom and then as we leave, we see a restaurant, empty of any customers. We notice they are smiling and we see some homeless people within the building.

I ask Xeno what the chances are that we just stumbled upon a whorehouse? Xeno noted that he saw a number of bunkbeds in one of the rooms and it was just girls in there. I said there's a chance so I ask Latjiu if that was the case.

Up until this point, you could ask Latjiu about anything, the pollution, the dirty water, white rabbit candy and he would put a postive spin to it. I am not sure if this is a product of communism programming.

Anyhow, his reply was that it was a dorm.

I can't help but think.... "OOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!"

We give up on finding karaoke in Beijing and head to bed after a long day.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 12

2008-11-11T15:00:00.003-05:00

Day 12 - Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - Silk Market, Kung Fu Show

We got up super late this particular day, we barely made it to breakfast at 10:30. Once we were done, we decided to ride the subway to the Silk Market.

The silk market is basically 7 floors of filene's basement style areas. They'll sell you clothes, art, jewelry, luggage, anything you can think of, it's there. All of them are run by teenagers or young adults, mostly women.

As we passed each stand, none of the vendors made any effort to draw us over as we made no eye contact. But Xeno, unfortunately, drew a lot of attention because of his foreign looks and would basically get catcalls from all the vendors.

"hey, come look at my goods."

"handsome man, come look."

"handsome man, you have lots of money"

"handsome, I want to have your baby, please buy some stuff!"

Ok, the last comment was fake. But basically them calling Xeno, "handsome man", led us to come up with following phrase:

"no handsome, no money!"

Basically that was Xeno's way of getting them off his back and refusing their showers of compliments.

Once we stopped at places that we wanted to buy stuff, we determined that we wanted things where you couldn't buy it in the States for cheap.

Namely:

1. Stamps made of wood, ceramic or jade.
2. Paintings (made by hand)

So that's what we aimed to get. We looked at various places and they each tried to negotiate with you as follows:

"you like, 800 rmb?"

(you walk away)

"ok, how much you want it for."

(no reply)

"200, what you think?"

(keep walking)

"ok 100, I give it to you for 100"

When that happens, it's up to you if you really want it, to them that's still a big profit and to you, esp if you're coming from the US, that's a great deal.

We ended up purchasing stamps and paintings. One that caught my eye was made by a guy's hand. It was quite impressive and got it for 10 US dollars.

Latjiu and XoCherng helped a lot with the negotiations. When asked what he does for a living, he said he works in a similar market. They also purchase a suitcase, which I discover later what it is for.

After the Silk Market, we went to LG building nearby. It is filled with a lot of high class stores but it appears that there isn't much people walking around there.

We decide to bring our goods back to the hotel and take it easy. Latjiu and XOCherng go out and purchase a number of preserved peking ducks.

We eat at the same restaurant as the night before and then head to watch the Kung Fu Show.

It was called the Legend of Chun Yi. (not to be confused with the SF character, Chun Li)

We saw some pretty amazing shit, lot of stuff being broken on their bodies and a lot of acrobatic stuff that made me feel like a slow, weak lazy ass.

The show was about 2 hours and afterwards, we took pictures with the cast. We notice the woman playing Chun Yi's mom is a young woman who is 5'9 and is standing on her toes the whole time, which makes her about 6 feet and me feel like a midget.

We decide to bail on finding a karaoke place afterwards and just take the bus back to the hotel.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 13

2008-11-10T15:47:00.004-05:00

Day 13 - Thursday, November 20, 2008 - Travel to Suzhou, Karaoke and Massage

In the morning, we eat breakfast and then head off to catch our flight from Beijing back to Shanghai.

We get to Shanghai and then we catch a bus to Suzhou. Our original plan was to go to Hangzhou, however, there was an accident and decided for the sake of time to go elsewhere.

Chrono challenges me to Mario Kart DS and I get annihilated. The screen on the DS I'm using is pitch dark and the back of the bus is not conducive for playing the game as it shakes quite a bit back there. I get nauseous from playing and decide to stop.

As we approach the city, we see a lot of green water, farms and run down buildings. There is a lot of construction going on in the area.

We arrive in the city and there are no sidewalks where we are dropped off. We are essentially living the life of Super Mario and dodging things as we run to our destination. We are looking for this particular hotel but nobody seems to know where it is. We wander for a bit and finally arrive.

After we eat, we notice a nearby arcade. There is this one game were you get to punch with a glove. I nearly sprain my wrist on the first punch and realize I have very poor form when punching. I get into a proper stance and start delivering some crazy hard punches. Afterwards, we played this basketball shooting game and Chrono got like a 350. Insane. I got like 155 and was getting them all in.

After that, we decide to go karaoke. The rate is pretty good, only 40 rmb for 2 hours. We decide to sing up a storm and use the instruments found in the room. Fun times esp when XoCherng criticized Latjiu every time he sang for a song for not knowing how to sing it properly!

After that, Latjiu and I decide to go get massages. We go to this place next door and outside of it, there was a large group of older women doing some sort of group dance. It quite the sight to see as they were dancing to old traditional music.

We go inside the massage place and we get 1 hour for 70 rmb. Sweet deal.

The massage starts off with the head as she massages your temples and then your scalp. She then works her way to your other body parts and starts to massage pretty hard. In fact, at some points, it got kinda painful.

By the end of it, both Latjiu and I were hurting pretty bad and we decide not to get anymore massages at this place.

Later that evening, we decide to look for a restaurant to eat at and have a hard time finding one. We end up going to this place that served mainly spicy food which most of the group cannot handle except me.

At the end of the night, I decide to use the internet on the first floor. During my time of usage, I heard some guy coughing up a storm in the main lobby area. Terrified at the prospect of what the guy had, I stayed in the computer room longer until he was done infecting people with SARS.

Trip to Japan and China - Day 14

2008-11-08T16:00:00.003-05:00

Day 14 - November 21, 2008 - Suzhou Museum, Gondola Ride, Ajisen Ramen

So I set my expectations pretty low at this point because I really don't know what Suzhou has to offer. We go to lunch at a place called Ajisen Ramen. It's pretty frickin good. It offers curry, rice or noodle dishes and has fantastic shakes to drink. We eat up and then we head off to Suzhou Museum.

This museum is actually the old mansion that a famous general from the 19th century once lived in. It also had a lot of donated artwork.

Once we were done looking at stuff and walking through the guy's house, we go out in the open market area.

It is here that we continue our bargaining ways. There was this one particular lady who wanted us to ride on the gondola. In fact, she was so persistent that she followed us down the street and when we went into the Humble Administrator's Garden, she waited outside for us, for hours. Her friend even brought her lunch as she waited.

The Humble Administrator's Garden was not so humble, it was this massive garden with lots of gazebos and various ponds. It was definitely a sight to see considering the time of year.

When we came out, the lady finally gave in and sold us a gondola ride for 120 rmb.

The river stank, superbad. The water was green and I am fairly certain that if we fell in, we would've turned into Swamp Thing.

After that was over, we went back to the hotel to drop some things off and then we had our last dinner in Suzhou at this restaurant near where we stayed.

The funny thing about this particular dinner was that our waitress was a complete fool. She kept messing up our drinks and made XOCherng so angry that XO started messing with her. We joked to Xeno that there was a high probability that there was something in his drink as a result of XO messing with the waitress.

After dinner, I decided to call it the night and chill out in the room. It was during this night that for the 2nd time in 3 nights, I got a phone call from a 10 digit number.

At first, I thought maybe it was someone who got my number at the hotel and started pranking it or using it to sell shit to me.

Turns out that it was one of my friends who wanted to know something. The first time was at 2:45 am 2 nights before and this particular night, I got called twice around 11.

Needless to say, I was not happy about it.

Anyhow that pretty ends this particular day.

Trip to Japan and China - FAQ

2008-11-07T16:16:00.009-05:00

Since I've been getting a lot of questions about how this trip went, I decided to do an FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) section to answer your questions in case you didn't want to go through the trouble of reading hours worth of blog.

1. Did I have sex with any girls there?

No. I'll leave it at that.

2. When you got massage, did you get happy ending?

No, we avoided all the shady places since we didn't know what would happen to us if we went and they knew we were tourists. We stuck mainly with places that were recommended to us by the hotels.

3. How was the trip?

It was a trip of a lifetime, probably 2nd all time behind my cruise to Bermuda, if that was a 10, this was a 8.5, the only negative moments was the bad tour in Shanghai and Suzhou was so-so way to end the trip. Japan was a 10, China was like a 6.5. We did a lot of the touristy stuff and then at night we went out and had a pretty good time. I am so glad I did it.

4. Where did you go in Japan and China?

In Japan, we were in Tokyo for 2 days, then Kyoto for a day and a half, Nara for an afternoon, Hakone for a day and then Tokyo for 2 days.

In China, we were in Shanghai for 2 days, Beijing for 3 and then Suzhou for 2 days.

5. What was the highlight of your trip?

I have a hard time choosing a particular moment in time, there were a lot of good moments and no particular moment really stood out.

6. Did you see a lot of cute or hot girls there?

Yeah, there were a lot. Unfortunately, we just weren't very quick with our cameras for those who wanted to see pictures as such. After going through them, there was a picture that we took with these random 2 japanese girls in Kyoto when we were at that Kiyomizu Shrine.

I definitely would agree with the notion that these places have a lot.

7. Was it expensive, how was the cost?

The flight cost about 1200, the hotel per night cost about 100 US a night in both Japan and China, where in China, you could get more bang for your buck. In terms of food and doing stuff, food is about the same as the US in Japan and in China, it's dirt cheap. You can get a good dinner for like 20 US for 5 people. As for transportation, if you are not using the rail pass, the costs can add up very fast, taking a bus outside of Kyoto can cost like 10 US. Riding the subway can cost like 1.75 to 3 dollars one way. Travel in China is cheaper but it adds up. Taxis are really cheap in both countries, compared to US.

In total, everything included, I probably spent about 3500 dollars.

8. What country did you like more?

I definitely liked Japan more. It's more tourist friendly, there are more English signs and higher percentage of folks actually spoke English or at least knew just enough whereas in China, people just didn't know it. It's also a lot cleaner and you worry less about whether something might make you sick whether it's the water or the food. Plus Japan definitely had more cute girls who knew how to present themselves better whereas in China, there were less girls like that. Plus I felt safer in Japan.

9. When did you go and how long were you there for? Who did you go with?

I was there from Nov 7 to Nov 22. The first week was in Japan and the 2nd week was in China. I went with my co-worker Chrono and his best friend Xeno. We met up with Chrono's cousin Latjiu and his cousin's gf XoCherng in China.

10. Would you ever consider living in either country?

I think I would consider it if I actually made an effort to learn the language now. I think it's a bit premature to guess that I would do such a thing as most of my friends and family are here in Boston. I would definitely consider Japan and as for China, probably not until they clean up the pollution and put regulations in place for food/water, I think long term it is harmful to be in such an environment.

11. Did you take a lot of pictures, I'd like to see them.

I did, you should've received an email from me to view them on Kodak Gallery. There are also a few available on my Facebook account, posted by Chrono and Xeno.

12. Why did you use aliases in your blog to describe your trip, I know who these people are.

You have to understand that if people outside of my friends get a hold of this blog, it might give people the wrong idea. There have been cases where people have been fired for embarassing their company/client's by writing things they deem inappropriate. For everyone's sake, I use aliases. If people know me, they should have access to who someone is if they really want to know.

13. Would you ever go back?

Definitely, but I think in the short term, I'll likely go to other asian countries like Hong Kong, Thailand, Singapore or maybe even consider a trip to South America or Australia.

14. Was it tough getting by there, not knowing the language?

It was frustrating but in Japan, it wasn't too bad as some people just enough or were willing to try and communicate. In China, we were shielded from any type of frustration as LatJiu and XoCherng did a lot of the talking for us. The only time I ever felt like we were lost without them was when we were on the train to Beijing and they were separated from us.

I think where it really hurt us was when we had the option of going out at night and hanging with the locals. I think with all the cute girls out there, it would've been great to chat it up with them. I think the closest thing was the birthday party night, the first day, where they spoke some english. I felt like the overall attitude of how nice and open they are would've made it easy for a guy like myself to get something going.

15. It seemed like you guys didn't eat much of the local food and opted for quick eats or non-local food a lot.

The only reason why we opted for McDonald's on some of the mornings is because in Japan, there doesn't seem to be much open early in the morning. There was Yoshinori but I don't want a rice bowl in the morning. The other options were Krispy Kreme and Starbucks. We just didn't find many sitdown breakfast places. In China, we ended up eating breakfast at the hotels. Also, I didn't mention what we ended up eating every single time unless it was out of the ordinary.

A majority of the trip we were eating a lot of japanese ramen noodles, curry rice plates and in China we were doing a lot of sitdown family style dinners.

So we ate just like the locals. Trust me, they were packing KFC, McDonald's and Starbucks everywhere. Especially KFC, they seem to love that stuff down in Suzhou.

16. What does Latjiu and XoCherng mean? That's one crazy alias!

Latjiu means hot pepper in Cantonese and XoCherng is a popular type of hot sauce used for dumplings. I gave them those aliases as a joke because neither of them can handle eating spicy food. They claim that where they're from, they don't have much if any spicy dishes.

Sunday Dinner Review - 8

2008-11-03T00:05:00.005-05:00

This is our Eighth Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Malaysian/Indonesian

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,RH,FW,JW

First Dish:

Naan with Curry Dip

Second Dish:

Beef Rendang

Third Dish:

Authentic Indonesian Chicken

Fourth Dish:

Pineapple Fried Rice

Fifth Dish:

Mee Goreng

Sunday Dinner Review 7

2008-10-13T22:19:00.004-04:00

This is our Seventh Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Spanish

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,RH,SC,KR,JW,FW

First Dish:

Tortilla Espanola

Second Dish:

Spanish Rice

Third Dish:

Sangria

Fourth Dish:

Potato Croquettes

Fifth Dish:

Chorizo Burger

Bonus Dessert Picture

2008-09-29T15:46:00.002-04:00

This was submitted by a loyal reader to this blog.

First Dish:

Trifle

Sunday Dinner Review 6

2008-09-22T21:26:00.006-04:00

This is our Sixth Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Desserts

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,ET,JH,RH,JW,WuC,SC,FW,Ji

First Dish:

Chocolate Cake Cookie Cup

Second Dish:

Ice Cream Bars Cake

Third Dish:

Fruit Tart

Fourth Dish:

Banana Pudding

Fifth Dish:

Haupia with Pineapple

Sixth Dish:

Strawberry Mousse

Seventh Dish:

Coffee Cake

Sunday Dinner Review 5

2008-09-01T16:58:00.004-04:00

This is our Fifth Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Appetizers

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,ET,JW,RH,AG,AC

First Dish:

Potato Skins

Second Dish:

Fried Calamari

Third Dish:

Mango Salsa and Pita Chips

Fourth Dish:

Buffalo Chicken Tenders

Fifth Dish:

Dry Rub Wings

Sixth Dish:

Spinach and Artichoke Dip

Seventh Dish:

Buffalo Wings and Cajun Wings

Eighth Dish:

Deviled Eggs

Bonus Dinner Review 1

2008-08-31T17:15:00.003-04:00

This is our Bonus dinner review.

Theme: Bass as an ingredient

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,ET,JW,RH,FW,SC

First Dish:

Sea Bass, Striped Bass Feast

just to give a brief breakdown of what was made.

- 2 Sea Bass made with ginger and scallion in a soy sauce + olive oil sauce.
- 12 pound Striped Bass filet, pan fried with olive oil, basil, salt, black pepper and some were modified to include cilantro and butter.
- Sun Dried Tomato Pasta with option of chicken or shrimp on the side.
- Asparagus + Mushrooms mix

Sunday Dinner Review 4

2008-06-22T22:15:00.003-04:00

This is our Fourth Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Japanese

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,ET,FY

First Dish:

Beef and Asparagus Negimaki

Second Dish:

Caterpillar Family Roll

Third Dish:

Scallion Beef Negimaki

Fourth Dish:

Shrimp Egg Cake

Fifth Dish:

Crab Salad Rice Vinegarette

Sixth Dish:

Crab Salad Japanese Mayo

Sunday Dinner Review 3

2008-06-01T22:09:00.005-04:00

This is our Third Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Italian

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,ET,JH

First Dish:

BBQ Chicken Pizza

Second Dish:

Pepperoni Pizza

Third Dish:

Maple Bacon Cream Cheese Stuffed Mushrooms

Fourth Dish:

Broccoli Chicken Cellentani

Fifth Dish:

Shrimp with Penne in Sun Dried Tomato sauce

Sixth Dish:

Spicy Calimari Lemon Zest

Sunday Dinner Review 2

2008-05-29T00:15:00.007-04:00

This is our second Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Thai

Attendees:
EH,WC,BKC,KR,GC,HN,KN,JJN

First Dish:

Pad See Yoo

Second Dish:

Thai Chicken

Third Dish:

Rosemary Balsamic Chicken with Zucchini

Fourth Dish:

Thai Fried Tofu

Fifth Dish:

Thai Ice Tea

Sunday Dinner Review

2008-05-05T00:07:00.003-04:00

This is our first Sunday dinner review.

Theme: Vietnamese/Southeast Asian

Attendees:
EH,WC,ET,JH,JW,BKC,KR

First Dish:

Curry Honey Mustard Chicken

Second Dish:

Vietnamese Chicken Spring Rolls

Third Dish:

Papaya Salad with Lemongrass Chicken Skewers

Fourth Dish:

Sticky Vietnamese Chicken Noodles

Fifth Dish:

Kielbasa Medley

Sixth Dish

Chocolate Cake

Rock Out with Your .....

2008-02-13T10:19:00.000-05:00

[10:12 AM] WeedKiller: pandora.com
[10:13 AM] MaskedMuscle: what is that?
[10:13 AM] MaskedMuscle: if I go there
[10:13 AM] MaskedMuscle: will it release demons?
[10:13 AM] WeedKiller: its your own personal radio station
[10:14 AM] WeedKiller: many demons will come out of your soul and be released to wreck havoc all over the world
[10:14 AM] MaskedMuscle: hmm
[10:14 AM] MaskedMuscle: not sure that will be good for work or not
[10:14 AM] MaskedMuscle: since I like listening to music with expletives in it
[10:14 AM] MaskedMuscle: like F that and F this
[10:15 AM] WeedKiller: wear earphones :P
[10:15 AM] MaskedMuscle: well, I can't rock out with my headphones on
[10:15 AM] MaskedMuscle: i need the room to vibrate
[10:15 AM] WeedKiller: lol
[10:15 AM] WeedKiller: LMAO
[10:15 AM] MaskedMuscle: you know what they say
[10:15 AM] MaskedMuscle: rock out with your cock out
[10:15 AM] WeedKiller: LMAO
[10:15 AM] MaskedMuscle: lol

Can't Go Anywhere

2008-02-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

[11:54] MaskedMuscle: did you talk to JBug?
[11:54] MaskedMuscle: he said something about meeting up
[11:55] PhillyWitWiz: no
[11:55] PhillyWitWiz: I'll text him now
[11:58] PhillyWitWiz: done
[12:03] PhillyWitWiz: he says either friday or saturday, he has to check with A-Buster to see which is better for him
[12:04] MaskedMuscle: ok
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: that way everyone will be here
[12:05] PhillyWitWiz: yep
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: m-blaster
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: c-note
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: me
[12:05] PhillyWitWiz: c-note is still up in the air
[12:05] PhillyWitWiz: he hasn't heard back from his dog sitter yet
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: he should let them run amuck
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: leave some newspaper on the floor
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: and a bowl of food
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: done deal
[12:05] MaskedMuscle: book it!
[12:06] PhillyWitWiz: lol
[12:07] MaskedMuscle: remind me never to get a dog for that reason
[12:07] MaskedMuscle: can't go anywhere for more than a day
[12:07] PhillyWitWiz: yea it sucks
[12:08] PhillyWitWiz: nice to have the companionship at home I guess but it's worse than kids bc you can't bring them with you most of the time
[12:08] MaskedMuscle: exactly
[12:08] MaskedMuscle: and they cry when you leave
[12:08] PhillyWitWiz: yea
[12:08] PhillyWitWiz: kids do that too
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: hmm
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: remind me never to have kids for that reason
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: can't go anywhere for more than a day
[12:10] PhillyWitWiz: lol
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: lol

lazy ah chaans

2008-02-04T21:40:00.000-05:00

[09:17 PM] Mustachio: i recently read an article on boston metro on way to "work"
[09:17 PM] Mustachio: and thought of you
[09:17 PM] Mustachio: becase a guy by the pseudonym of "chaan" was laid off
[09:18 PM] Mustachio: the article was about recognizing the signs when you will be canned
[09:21 PM] MaskedMuscle: as for some guy named chaan getting laid off
[09:21 PM] MaskedMuscle: I can believe that
[09:21 PM] MaskedMuscle: there's a lot of lazy chaans out there
[09:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: esp those ah chaans
[09:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: who cross over from China into the US
[09:25 PM] Mustachio: ROFL
[09:25 PM] Mustachio: we shall celebrate then
[09:26 PM] Mustachio: raise the glass to! lol
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: for getting fired?
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: I don't know if he's going to be in a good mood
[09:26 PM] Mustachio: to you
[09:26 PM] Mustachio: lol
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: oh
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahahah
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: thank you!
[09:26 PM] Mustachio: not the clone
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: well, if he's a clone
[09:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: he's a lousy defective one
[09:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: cuz I would never get fired
[09:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol

Workaholics Unite

2008-02-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

[13:57] LollyPopKid: FattyWong needs to work too
[13:57] LollyPopKid: so no need to be self conscious
[13:58] MaskedMuscle: oh
[13:58] MaskedMuscle: workaholics unite
[13:59] LollyPopKid: yeah but he might stop by
[14:02] LollyPopKid: its unfortunate that u guys all have work
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: workaholics unite!
[14:03] LollyPopKid: haha i guess so
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: I should form a new union
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: to counter the Fun Police
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: and call it the Workaholics Union
[14:03] LollyPopKid: oh no!
[14:03] LollyPopKid: i will take u down!
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: founding president JBug
[14:03] LollyPopKid: lmao
[14:03] MaskedMuscle: Secretary of State - C-Note
[14:03] LollyPopKid: omg that was great!
[14:04] MaskedMuscle: Treasurer - FattyWong
[14:04] MaskedMuscle: Vice President - MaskedMuscle
[14:04] MaskedMuscle: hahahhaa
[14:04] LollyPopKid: hahahahahaha
[14:04] LollyPopKid: that's hilarous!
[14:05] MaskedMuscle: hahahahhaha
[14:06] LollyPopKid: the FP will take u guys down
[14:06] MaskedMuscle: get outta here
[14:06] MaskedMuscle: when we're done with you
[14:06] MaskedMuscle: you will be back to work!
[14:06] LollyPopKid: never!
[14:06] MaskedMuscle: the penalty for forming the Fun Police..... nonstop work!
[14:06] LollyPopKid: my party animal is never in hiding!
[14:07] LollyPopKid: it's alaways out in full force
[14:08] MaskedMuscle: Workaholics Union's goal is to make sure everyone works
[14:08] MaskedMuscle: and works non-stop
[14:08] MaskedMuscle: choo choo!
[14:08] MaskedMuscle: chugga chugga chugga choo choo!
[14:08] LollyPopKid: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lots of Cream

2008-01-07T20:46:00.000-05:00

[11:28] MaskedMuscle: like I painted this past weekend
[11:28] MaskedMuscle: but if I did it alone
[11:28] MaskedMuscle: it would've taken me a week
[11:28] MaskedMuscle: but with help
[11:28] MaskedMuscle: it took me 8 hours
[11:29] DoggyWohWoh: nice nice
[11:29] DoggyWohWoh: painted white?
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: well
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: the guy who left
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: painted it white
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: for me
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: and I changed it to a variety of colors
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: I choose a sandy color for the living room and some of the hallway
[11:32] MaskedMuscle: and an aqua blue for the wall where the tv will be and the wall leading to the bedroom
[11:33] MaskedMuscle: and the bedroom, I choose a caramel/coffee color
[11:34] DoggyWohWoh: nice nice
[11:34] DoggyWohWoh: i have a light blue in my room, but it didnt feel right
[11:34] DoggyWohWoh: but then
[11:35] DoggyWohWoh: i changed my sheets to blue
[11:35] DoggyWohWoh: and it looks better
[11:35] DoggyWohWoh: haha
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: yes
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: everything has to match
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: well, I figure if I get white satin sheets for the bed
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: it will look like cream in the coffee
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: and white chairs shaped like cubes
[11:39] MaskedMuscle: to look like sugar
[11:39] DoggyWohWoh: haha nice
[11:40] DoggyWohWoh: now to get some black girl in your bed
[11:40] DoggyWohWoh: you will have coffee
[11:40] MaskedMuscle: 8-O
[11:40] MaskedMuscle: 8-O
[11:40] MaskedMuscle: 8-O
[11:42] DoggyWohWoh: haha
[11:42] DoggyWohWoh: ok, lots of cream then
[11:42] MaskedMuscle: yes
[11:42] MaskedMuscle: lots of it

Intimate Setting

2008-01-04T12:12:00.000-05:00

[15:41] Egg McMuffin: or I know this cute martini bar in Malden
[15:42] MaskedMuscle: yeah
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: I think CallMeDickySon wants something intimate
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: so that perhaps we can sit in a circle
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: and hold hands
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: and talk about love and life
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: and then toast our martinis
[15:43] MaskedMuscle: to future happiness
[15:43] Egg McMuffin: lol
[15:43] Egg McMuffin: excellent
[15:43] Egg McMuffin: i look forward to sitting next to u and holding yr soft hands
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: I might get nervous
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: perhaps we should sit further apart
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: I may sweat profusely
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: and turn pale
[15:46] Egg McMuffin: that is not fair ... b/c if I ended up sitting next to CallMeDickySon it would be weird for him to hold my hand

Seeing TheTiger

2008-01-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

[15:35] TheJuiceMaker: so great news!.. NigiriPlease and i are officially going to see TheTiger!...
[15:36] TheJuiceMaker: hhahahahah
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: fantastic!
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: do you have your plan all set?
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: to trap the tiger?
[15:36] TheJuiceMaker: yes
[15:37] TheJuiceMaker: NigiriPlease and i have it under control..although
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: I wish you great success!
[15:40] MaskedMuscle: I will not settle for anything less than an article in the newspaper about rabid fan
[15:41] TheJuiceMaker: have i ever disappointed u?..haha
[15:41] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[15:41] MaskedMuscle: nope, not yet
[15:42] MaskedMuscle: so please take lots of pictures once you bag TheTiger
[15:42] TheJuiceMaker: oh i will
[15:42] MaskedMuscle: I expect wedding by next month
[15:42] MaskedMuscle: and a january baby
[15:42] TheJuiceMaker: oks...
[15:43] TheJuiceMaker: wait...i think some calculating..wouldnt it be a november baby?
[15:43] TheJuiceMaker: haha
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: damn, you work quick
[15:44] MaskedMuscle: well, I was just giving some cushion, you know?
[15:45] TheJuiceMaker: got it
[15:45] MaskedMuscle: wow you must be excited to go
[15:45] TheJuiceMaker: of course
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: when you go to the concert
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: if you do end up meeting him
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: please have NigiriPlease take lots of pictures
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: and it will not be too late
[15:49] TheJuiceMaker: i'll have him take it
[15:49] TheJuiceMaker: of us
[15:49] TheJuiceMaker: hahahaha
[15:49] TheJuiceMaker: i see pics of him doing that w/ his fans all the time
[15:50] MaskedMuscle: this might sound extreme
[15:50] MaskedMuscle: but I am thinking that you should hug him real tight
[15:50] MaskedMuscle: and kiss him
[15:50] MaskedMuscle: and have NigiriPlease take hte picture
[15:51] TheJuiceMaker: thats exactly what i was going to do
[15:52] MaskedMuscle: do what the thunder down under guys did
[15:52] MaskedMuscle: ask to be kissed on the cheek
[15:52] MaskedMuscle: then turn your face
[15:52] MaskedMuscle: and go for the gold
[15:53] TheJuiceMaker: HAHAHAAHHA
[15:53] TheJuiceMaker: hallah!

Check the Chick

2008-01-01T12:38:00.000-05:00

[17:11] TheJuiceMaker: Link to video
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: oh damn
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: this chick is good
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: she doesn't do it exactly like the instructor
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: but it's very fluid
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: oh shit... who is this...
[17:12] MaskedMuscle: whoa...
[17:13] MaskedMuscle: who is the fat guy?
[17:13] TheJuiceMaker: who's he trying to imitate?
[17:13] MaskedMuscle: yeah
[17:13] TheJuiceMaker: the korean superstar Rain
[17:13] MaskedMuscle: oh ok
[17:14] TheJuiceMaker: and i think u mean guy
[17:14] TheJuiceMaker: for the person doing jolin
[17:14] TheJuiceMaker: ;-)
[17:14] MaskedMuscle: OH SHIT
[17:14] MaskedMuscle: that was a guy
[17:15] TheJuiceMaker: yes
[17:15] MaskedMuscle: .........
[17:15] MaskedMuscle: (crickets chirping)
[17:15] TheJuiceMaker: :-D
[17:16] TheJuiceMaker: i see that u can be easily fooled
[17:17] MaskedMuscle: my eyes must be failing me...
[17:17] MaskedMuscle: i need to fix my glasses before I am fooled again
[17:17] MaskedMuscle: :'S
[17:18] TheJuiceMaker: or u'll be getting in some funny situations
[17:18] MaskedMuscle: I've thought this through
[17:18] MaskedMuscle: and if that did happen
[17:18] MaskedMuscle: I would run and scream
[17:19] MaskedMuscle: and would probably have to check in advance from then on out
[17:19] MaskedMuscle: before it went too far
[17:19] TheJuiceMaker: :-X

Will of the Superfan

2007-12-21T12:56:00.000-05:00

[10:38 PM] PenguinLover: OMG r u watching this game
[10:38 PM] PenguinLover: this is crazy
[10:38 PM] PenguinLover: bc u said blowout
[10:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: i am about to poop my pants
[10:38 PM] PenguinLover: i didnt watch it and was switching my winter wardrobe
[10:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: what!?!?
[10:38 PM] PenguinLover: and now this is crazy

[10:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: uh oh
[10:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: I sense fear
[10:45 PM] MaskedMuscle: they are starting to drop balls
[10:47 PM] PenguinLover: they are just testin the faith of they loyal fans
[10:47 PM] PenguinLover: u must not give up on them
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: I'm turning it off
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: and opening up a book
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: and then making myself a hot cup of tea
[10:51 PM] PenguinLover: LIAR
[10:51 PM] PenguinLover: i can see yr nose growing thru this IM window

[10:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: so now they just went for it on 4th down
[10:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: and didn't get shit
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: and now the eagles have the opportunity to put this game away
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: by scoring a td
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: and going up 10
[10:55 PM] PenguinLover: cool it
[10:55 PM] PenguinLover: have faith
[10:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: I am mashing the panic button right now
[10:57 PM] PenguinLover: lol
[10:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: ok i just broke it
[10:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: I think it worked
[10:57 PM] PenguinLover: you need a cup of mint tea to calm yr nerves
[10:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: I need a shot of jack right now
[10:57 PM] PenguinLover: go boil some water
[10:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: to clear my mind
[11:01 PM] PenguinLover: do u feel any better yet?
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: no way
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: we are still down
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: panic button is broken
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: unsure of what to do

[11:09 PM] PenguinLover: did u believe?
[11:09 PM] PenguinLover: lol
[11:09 PM] PenguinLover: i never doubted
[11:09 PM] MaskedMuscle: not yet
[11:09 PM] MaskedMuscle: i am still uneasy
[11:09 PM] MaskedMuscle: i feel nauseous
[11:12 PM] PenguinLover: lol
[11:12 PM] PenguinLover: i am very happy and would like to make a proposition
[11:13 PM] PenguinLover: i would like to bet u that pats will win
[11:13 PM] MaskedMuscle: penguinlover
[11:13 PM] MaskedMuscle: we've gone over this many times
[11:13 PM] MaskedMuscle: we cannot bet
[11:13 PM] MaskedMuscle: esp not against my own team

[11:19 PM] PenguinLover: yeah yeah
[11:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: game over!
[11:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: YEAH YEAH
[11:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: YEAH YEAH YEAH
[11:22 PM] MaskedMuscle: YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
[11:22 PM] PenguinLover: lol
[11:23 PM] PenguinLover: i can see u started believing
[11:23 PM] MaskedMuscle: i never doubted them
[11:24 PM] PenguinLover: yes u did
[11:24 PM] PenguinLover: do i need to show what u said on this log

(copy and pastes earlier chat log)

[11:25 PM] PenguinLover: rofl
[11:26 PM] MaskedMuscle: I was merely testing your will
[11:26 PM] PenguinLover: i dont give up on my team

Mitchell Report

2007-12-16T20:25:00.000-05:00

[11:32] CallMeDickySon: what u think of the mitchell report?
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: i could care less
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: hit more home runs
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: and throw more 95 mph
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: i am a consumer
[11:35] CallMeDickySon: hahahahhah
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: nobody wants to watch bullshit ass 2-1 games
[11:35] CallMeDickySon: that's true
[11:35] MaskedMuscle: with pitchers throwing 85 mph
[11:44] MaskedMuscle: it's like if they came out with a report that cows were fed growth hormone
[11:44] MaskedMuscle: would you stop eating beef?
[11:44] MaskedMuscle: hell no
[11:44] MaskedMuscle: bring it on
[11:45] MaskedMuscle: maybe the growth hormone will make me bigger
[11:45] MaskedMuscle: holla!
[11:45] CallMeDickySon: that would be good
[11:46] MaskedMuscle: anyhow
[11:46] MaskedMuscle: mitchell report = boocrap
[11:46] MaskedMuscle: almost as boocrap as cameragate
[11:46] CallMeDickySon: hahahhahhaha
[11:50] MaskedMuscle: they need to stop taking themselves so seriously
[11:50] MaskedMuscle: just entertain
[11:51] MaskedMuscle: and we pay
[11:51] MaskedMuscle: the end
[11:51] MaskedMuscle: if women could inject themselves with something that made them have big boobs, small waist, nice ass and a pretty face, not a single person would complain
[11:52] MaskedMuscle: likewise for guys if they could get something that gave them a handsome face, chiseled physique, hard rock abs, erection on command and 8 inches of cock
[11:52] CallMeDickySon: hahahhaha

Produce Water

2007-11-25T15:29:00.000-05:00

[02:49 PM] PenguinDance: superbad comes on dvd on dec 4th ... perhaps FieryDanTaat wants a copy lol
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: he does
[02:49 PM] PenguinDance: rofl
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: I spoke to him about it
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: he said
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: I don't want you sleeping over anymore
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: oh and please pick me up a copy of superbad
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: dec 4th
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: thanks
[02:50 PM] PenguinDance: lol
[02:50 PM] PenguinDance: u have overstayed your welcome?
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: I did
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: we nearly fought in the living room
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: fortunately, my friends showed up
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: so we put our collars back down
[02:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: and sheathed our claws
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: and retracted our fangs
[02:50 PM] PenguinDance: perhaps it is bc u refuse to be his sleeping buddy
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: I don't think it's the sleeping buddy
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: cuz that is just an issue I have with Egg McMuffin
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: with him, it is because I flushed his toilet too many times
[02:51 PM] PenguinDance: and it overflowed?
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: and drank all of his waters
[02:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: he said that I am wasteful
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: and I told him to stop acting like there's no water
[02:52 PM] PenguinDance: but you make water out of thin air
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: that's what I told him
[02:52 PM] PenguinDance: i think it only fair for you to drink the water u make
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: I said what are you worried about?
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: and then demonstrated my ability to produce water
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: by peeing on his floor
[02:52 PM] PenguinDance: rofl
[02:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: he was not pleased or entertained
[02:52 PM] PenguinDance: lmao

Fiery Attitude

2007-11-24T15:27:00.000-05:00

[02:38 PM] GreenMarker: ewwww...just turned on man vs wild
[02:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: yay!
[02:38 PM] GreenMarker: and he was eating a salmon like a bear
[02:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: i knew you couldn't resist
[02:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: tell me you were not intrigued by it!
[02:39 PM] MaskedMuscle: those 4 hours of watching man vs wild together clearly has you thinking about survival methods
[02:40 PM] GreenMarker: lol
[02:40 PM] GreenMarker: yes next time i get stranded in the rainforest
[02:40 PM] GreenMarker: i will know how to survive
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: you never know
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: let's say one day we are going out for a drive
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: and you fall asleep
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: and I decide
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: let's drop GreenMarker off in the forest
[02:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: then you will know what to do
[02:41 PM] GreenMarker: lol
[02:41 PM] GreenMarker: the forest is not the same as rainforest
[02:42 PM] GreenMarker: i will need to learn how to fight against wolves and bears
[02:42 PM] MaskedMuscle: well, it provides different challenges
[02:42 PM] GreenMarker: in the rainforest its just those slimy worms
[02:42 PM] MaskedMuscle: and like Bear
[02:42 PM] MaskedMuscle: you will need to learn to adapt
[02:44 PM] GreenMarker: i will just roll up like a ball and wait for rescue
[02:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: oh no...
[02:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: why not take your chances?
[02:45 PM] GreenMarker: i give up under pressure
[02:45 PM] GreenMarker: have u not noticed?
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: that is not true
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: I have seen the fire in you
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: when we play pictionary
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: a fiery attitude that never quits
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: and pushes for success
[02:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: and when in question
[02:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: you raise your voice
[02:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: and tell them that you said it first
[02:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: and then waggle your finger in front of them
[02:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: to let them know they are wrong
[02:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: and should sit the fuck down
[02:47 PM] GreenMarker: lol
[02:48 PM] GreenMarker: this is true
[02:48 PM] GreenMarker: u have uncovered my lie
[02:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[02:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: you cannot fool me, GreenMarker
[02:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: I can feel it
[02:48 PM] GreenMarker: thru the computer screen?
[02:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: yes
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: thru the IM chat window
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: I can sense your lie
[02:49 PM] GreenMarker: damn it
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: the way you typed it
[02:49 PM] GreenMarker: perhaps we should switch to msn lol
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: was a dead giveaway
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: I can feel the electrical energy from your keystrokes
[02:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol

Pushups and Short Order Cook

2007-11-22T16:17:00.000-05:00

[10:03 PM] ShortOrderCook: i have been very bored somedays lately, need something to do
[10:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: just do pushups
[10:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: until you get tired
[10:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: that's what I do
[10:03 PM] ShortOrderCook: but, then after im tired, ill be bored again
[10:03 PM] ShortOrderCook: lol
[10:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: keep working out
[10:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: until you fall asleep
[10:04 PM] ShortOrderCook: damn dude
[10:04 PM] ShortOrderCook: you preparing to serve the country?
[10:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: I want to get into military shape
[10:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: to show off my body to the ladies
[10:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: when I strip down for sex
[10:06 PM] ShortOrderCook: haha
[10:06 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[10:06 PM] MaskedMuscle: let's get a game going
[10:06 PM] MaskedMuscle: you down?
[10:07 PM] ShortOrderCook: will you have a stripping pole in your pad?
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: by the time they reach my pad
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: it will be time to perform
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: no time for dancing
[10:07 PM] ShortOrderCook: lol
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[10:07 PM] ShortOrderCook: actually i will pass on a game
[10:07 PM] ShortOrderCook: chatting with a chic im seeing
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: holla!
[10:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: different from roommate?
[10:08 PM] ShortOrderCook: yeah
[10:08 PM] MaskedMuscle: your pimphand is strong
[10:08 PM] ShortOrderCook: that roomate chic is nuts
[10:08 PM] MaskedMuscle: really!?!?
[10:08 PM] MaskedMuscle: how crazy?
[10:08 PM] ShortOrderCook: she cannot handle the schlong
[10:08 PM] ShortOrderCook: she goes nuts
[10:08 PM] ShortOrderCook: wanting it for herself only
[10:09 PM] MaskedMuscle: uh oh
[10:09 PM] ShortOrderCook: i had to cut her off
[10:10 PM] MaskedMuscle: and boot her out?
[10:10 PM] ShortOrderCook: something like that
[10:10 PM] MaskedMuscle: damn man
[10:10 PM] ShortOrderCook: this chic im talking to seems different
[10:10 PM] MaskedMuscle: well
[10:10 PM] ShortOrderCook: so far
[10:10 PM] MaskedMuscle: wait till you let her know
[10:10 PM] MaskedMuscle: that you are slinging the sausage everywhere
[10:11 PM] MaskedMuscle: that you are a short order cook!
[10:11 PM] MaskedMuscle: sausage
[10:11 PM] MaskedMuscle: coming up!
[10:12 PM] ShortOrderCook: a short order cook
[10:12 PM] ShortOrderCook: i need to remember that
[10:12 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[10:12 PM] MaskedMuscle: credit me when the line works
[10:13 PM] ShortOrderCook: i will register the patent right now
[10:14 PM] ShortOrderCook: what kind of short order cook, would cook sausage??
[10:14 PM] ShortOrderCook: all i can picture is a fat white dude
[10:14 PM] ShortOrderCook: like in a diner somewhere
[10:14 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha

(talking about Gwen Stefani, which segways into a comparison to Madonna)

[10:23 PM] ShortOrderCook: i would still do madonna
[10:23 PM] ShortOrderCook: definitly with a rubber
[10:23 PM] MaskedMuscle: no way
[10:23 PM] MaskedMuscle: raw
[10:23 PM] ShortOrderCook: what
[10:23 PM] MaskedMuscle: ok sorry
[10:23 PM] MaskedMuscle: rubber
[10:23 PM] ShortOrderCook: lol
[10:24 PM] ShortOrderCook: lmao
[10:24 PM] ShortOrderCook: that is almost like saying you would do pam anderson raw
[10:24 PM] ShortOrderCook: 5 years ago, i would have
[10:25 PM] ShortOrderCook: before kid rock
[10:25 PM] ShortOrderCook: but, i might have caught the hep from her then
[10:26 PM] ShortOrderCook: my favorite is still allissa milano
[10:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: alyssa milano has hep
[10:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: they all do
[10:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: not safe
[10:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: don't get crazy ideas
[10:27 PM] MaskedMuscle: all celebs have hep, it's like royalty and hemophilia
[10:27 PM] ShortOrderCook: you're killing me dude
[10:28 PM] ShortOrderCook: that is too funny

[10:34 PM] ShortOrderCook: only a few chics get it raw
[10:34 PM] ShortOrderCook: cuz my boyz are too strong
[10:35 PM] ShortOrderCook: they swim too well
[10:35 PM] ShortOrderCook: gets me into trouble
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: yes
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: you can't have too many kids
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: it's a good thing you don't have kids outside the ones you know about
[10:35 PM] ShortOrderCook: start calling me mike brady

Sexy Chair

2007-11-21T16:07:00.000-05:00

[08:45 PM] Egg McMuffin: this chair looks very comfy
[08:45 PM] Egg McMuffin: perfect for a cozy night with one of yr women
[08:45 PM] Egg McMuffin: Link to Chair
[08:45 PM] Egg McMuffin: tho not exactly cheap
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: I was looking at a rocking chair
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: that was very cushy
[08:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: my friend has one of those sofa and 1/2 .. so not quite loveseat, but not single either and it is awesome!
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: so that way 2 people could sit closely on it
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: and rock
[08:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: yes my friends rocks
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: slight rock
[08:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: and is perfect for a cozy 2
[08:46 PM] MaskedMuscle: so that way it doesn't flip over
[08:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: lol
[08:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: i love it
[08:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: me too
[08:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: but it costs like 600 buckaroonies
[08:47 PM] Egg McMuffin: yeah it wasnt cheap
[08:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: but it is the sexiest chair I've ever sat in
[08:47 PM] Egg McMuffin: lol
[08:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: not sure what that meant
[08:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: but that is how I felt
[08:47 PM] Egg McMuffin: that is a first ive ever head a description of a chair being sexy
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: I think when women see it
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: they will want to sit in it
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: and then when I sit down with them in it
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: they will be all mine
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: as the chair will use its influence
[08:49 PM] MaskedMuscle: to keep the girl there
[08:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: I know,
[08:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: it sounds farfetched
[08:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: but I have a good feeling about this
[08:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: rofl
[08:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: yes it worked for my friend
[08:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: he captured women easily that way
[08:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: women were putty in his hands
[08:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: well then, if that is a testament to the chair's ability
[08:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: then I will invest in one
[08:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: and put it to the test
[08:53 PM] Egg McMuffin: lol
[08:53 PM] Egg McMuffin: perhaps u dont have his powers
[08:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: the power is in the chair
[08:53 PM] Egg McMuffin: perhaps i should introduce u two so u can learn from the chair master
[08:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: I want a video
[08:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: so that I can study it

Shaky Pictures

2007-11-20T20:08:00.000-05:00

[07:57 PM] TheJuiceMaker: excellent picture taking!
[07:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[07:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: don't thank me
[07:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: thank IveGotCandy
[07:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: I credit her as the original picture taker
[07:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: her hand was shaky from all the wine she drank!
[07:58 PM] TheJuiceMaker: LOL
[07:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: clearly she is trying to sully my good name
[07:59 PM] TheJuiceMaker: yes...she's pointing fingers
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: I think the only way we can settle this
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: is having a picture taking contest
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: similar to archery
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: so we will have distance
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: then moving targets
[08:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: then taking pictures blindfolded
[08:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: then taking pictures while intoxicated
[08:02 PM] MaskedMuscle: the last of which will prove that the pictures belong to "shaky IveGotCandy"
[08:02 PM] TheJuiceMaker: LOL...well how can IveGotCandy be the one who took it if she is in it
[08:02 PM] TheJuiceMaker: that is very weak argument on ur part
[08:02 PM] MaskedMuscle: that's not IveGotCandy
[08:02 PM] TheJuiceMaker: u need stronger evidence
[08:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: that is you
[08:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: it shook so much that you split images
[08:03 PM] TheJuiceMaker: ROFL
[08:03 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[08:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: I know
[08:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: the resemblence is uncanny
[08:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: but we should give credit to the fact that the two of you are related
[08:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: and that the split image is what it is
[08:05 PM] TheJuiceMaker: i thought u were going to say it was a ghost
[08:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: of course not
[08:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: that's you!
[08:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: unless....
[08:05 PM] TheJuiceMaker: cuz thats something ChimneyPop would say
[08:05 PM] TheJuiceMaker: hahaha
[08:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: you are a ghost
[08:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: O.o
[08:06 PM] MaskedMuscle: and yes
[08:06 PM] TheJuiceMaker: :-X

Source of Warmth

2007-11-15T16:03:00.000-05:00

[04:51 PM] IveGotCandy: i was repeatedly putting my clothes in the dryer, taking them out, and then jumping in them
[04:52 PM] IveGotCandy: that is what i do when it gets cold out
[04:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: why not just turn up the heat?
[04:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: or sit on the stove?
[04:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: wouldn't that be more effective?
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: why not put some wood in the fireplace?
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: it is not the same
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: why not have a big fat man come over and hug you?
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: have u not experienced right out of the laundry clothes?
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: cuz they would stink
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: well, I didn't say have him do it nude
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: think of him as a big blanket
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: made out of fat
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: hahahaha
[04:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: they say fat people don't feel cold
[04:53 PM] IveGotCandy: i have a very strong nose
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: really?
[04:54 PM] IveGotCandy: i will be able to smell him thru the clothes
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: perhaps we should have you play that game
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: where you must smell the food
[04:54 PM] IveGotCandy: hahahaha
[04:54 PM] IveGotCandy: good idea
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: and guess which one is real
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: and if you lose
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: you must put my retainer in your mouth
[04:54 PM] IveGotCandy: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: ok i kid
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: please relax
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: we'll play the game
[04:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: and see how you do
[04:55 PM] IveGotCandy: i dont think u guys will be inventive enough to come up with different ones than the ones shown already
[04:55 PM] IveGotCandy: and who will cook?
[04:56 PM] MaskedMuscle: mmm
[04:56 PM] MaskedMuscle: nobody...
[05:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: to answer your earlier question
[05:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: I have experienced warm clothing
[05:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: however, it burns my skin
[05:00 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[05:00 PM] IveGotCandy: u have sensitive skin
[05:00 PM] IveGotCandy: i love it
[05:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: it is too hot
[05:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: Everything must be 72 degrees
[05:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: as I cannot maintain my body temperature
[05:02 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[05:02 PM] IveGotCandy: perhaps u need to buy thermals for the winter then
[05:02 PM] IveGotCandy: i do myself
[05:02 PM] IveGotCandy: so i can simulate out of laundry clothes
[05:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: no
[05:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: i will sweat too much
[05:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: and smell
[05:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: and then we cannot hang out
[05:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: because I will stink
[05:04 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[05:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: did I tell you, when i first bought my timberland jacket
[05:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: I had trouble wearing it
[05:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: because it kept too much of my body heat inside
[05:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: and I sweated in it
[05:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: like a sweat suit
[05:06 PM] IveGotCandy: i know that feeling
[05:06 PM] IveGotCandy: certain types of clothing insulates too much
[05:06 PM] IveGotCandy: like a fat suit

Color Wolf and Salty Pig Hands

2007-11-13T20:04:00.000-05:00

Chinese Terms
Color wolf (sikk loong) - pervert
salty pig hands (haam zhuu saow) - hand of pervert that grabs

[15:14] MaskedMuscle: i don't bleed
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: do you/
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: ?
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: if not, then we have nothing to worry about
[15:14] IveGotCandy: unfortuantately i bleed easily
[15:14] IveGotCandy: once i start
[15:14] IveGotCandy: cannot stop
[15:15] IveGotCandy: just like when i cry
[15:15] MaskedMuscle: you are trying to deceive me!
[15:15] MaskedMuscle: as I've yet to see you even bruise!
[15:16] IveGotCandy: u have not seen my legs
[15:16] IveGotCandy: and this is because u refuse to share a bed with me
[15:16] IveGotCandy: if u did
[15:16] IveGotCandy: u would see my legs are all bruised cuz my pjs are shorts
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: IveGotCandy, I am gentleman
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: even if we shared a bed
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: I would not peek under the sheets
[15:16] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: so it would be impossible
[15:17] IveGotCandy: well u would see my bruises BEFORE getting into bed
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: I would cover my eyes
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: until you got in
[15:17] IveGotCandy: it is indeed possible
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: and turned the light off
[15:17] IveGotCandy: or if u went swimming w me
[15:17] IveGotCandy: u would see them
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: I would wait for you to get in the pool first
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: and when you get out
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: I have to cover my eyes
[15:17] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:18] IveGotCandy: such the gentleman
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: the first person to view your legs should be your husband
[15:18] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: I am merely an acquaintance
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: fit only to serve you tea and meat sauce
[15:19] IveGotCandy: uhh....too late for that ... my legs have been seen by many as the summer we wear shorts and bathing suits
[15:19] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: clearly they are scoundrels!
[15:19] IveGotCandy: but u r a scoundrel too
[15:19] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: hahahha
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: that is true, but let's not make that public knowledge!
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: we have to keep up the image that I am a gentlemen
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: but deep down, I am a color wolf
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: like the rest of them
[15:20] IveGotCandy: lol
[15:20] IveGotCandy: yes lots of color wolves out there
[15:21] IveGotCandy: and salty pig hands

Turkey Shooting

2007-11-08T19:57:00.000-05:00

[15:45] MaskedMuscle: i'm having trouble getting a hold of anyone
[15:45] MaskedMuscle: for the clay shooting
[15:45] MaskedMuscle: what is plan B?
[15:46] CallMeDickySon: turkey shooting
[15:46] MaskedMuscle: do you know where we can do this?
[15:47] CallMeDickySon: well all i know is up in tewksbury there are alot of wild turkeys running around all the time
[15:47] MaskedMuscle: are you saying we are hunting live prey?
[15:47] MaskedMuscle: that's wild!
[15:47] CallMeDickySon: hahahahha
[15:47] CallMeDickySon: well we dont have clay to shoot so we need a target
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[15:48] MaskedMuscle: I don't think that will go over well with IveGotCandy
[15:49] CallMeDickySon: i think she would enjoy it once she kills one
[15:50] CallMeDickySon: it's just getting through the nervousness of killing the first one
[15:51] MaskedMuscle: you think the bloodlust will kick in
[15:51] MaskedMuscle: and then she will go crazy
[15:51] MaskedMuscle: and start killing them with her bare hands?
[15:52] CallMeDickySon: yeah and ripping off the turkey heads and start to have her own feast
[15:52] MaskedMuscle: and drink the blood?
[15:53] MaskedMuscle: and then ripping the feathers off and making a coat out of it?
[15:53] CallMeDickySon: yeah , and jump on the turkeys and ride it like a horse
[15:54] MaskedMuscle: why don't we we just go turkey racing?
[15:54] MaskedMuscle: put a harness on them
[15:54] MaskedMuscle: and then ride them
[15:54] MaskedMuscle: Link to Turkey Rider
[15:55] CallMeDickySon: sounds fun

Degree of Cooking Difficulty

2007-11-04T00:12:00.001-04:00

[10:33 PM] IveGotCandy: how about this MaskedMuscle ... u start an email going about this pot luck and see who u catch
[10:34 PM] MaskedMuscle: no
[10:34 PM] MaskedMuscle: if I email
[10:34 PM] MaskedMuscle: I will email many people
[10:34 PM] MaskedMuscle: and sometimes if I miss someone, they will get offended
[10:34 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: if you serve as my intermediary
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: then people will be reluctant to get angry at you
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: but I will cook for you all
[10:35 PM] MaskedMuscle: and you will believe!
[10:36 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[10:37 PM] IveGotCandy: would u like me to send out evite then?
[10:39 PM] MaskedMuscle: no
[10:39 PM] MaskedMuscle: do an email first
[10:39 PM] MaskedMuscle: and have everyone suggest a dish
[10:39 PM] MaskedMuscle: for someone else to cook!
[10:40 PM] IveGotCandy: rofl
[10:40 PM] IveGotCandy: CallMeDickySon has chosen saturday to be the lucky day
[10:41 PM] IveGotCandy: HoneyHam will make lasgna
[10:41 PM] MaskedMuscle: ok
[10:41 PM] MaskedMuscle: what will CallMeDickySon cook?
[10:41 PM] IveGotCandy: CallMeDickySon says he make pizza
[10:41 PM] IveGotCandy: but i said that is not allowed
[10:41 PM] IveGotCandy: cuz its not a challnge
[10:41 PM] MaskedMuscle: then I will make hamburger using george foreman
[10:41 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[10:43 PM] IveGotCandy: "HoneyHam" (10:41:59 PM): CallMeDickySon says "hamburgers?"
PerfumeCat (10:41:52 PM): that is what he says! lol
"HoneyHam" (10:42:10 PM): and that is more challenging then CallMeDickySon's pizza????

[10:43 PM] IveGotCandy: "HoneyHam" (10:42:12 PM): LOL
PerfumeCat (10:41:57 PM): but u cannot take his word
PerfumeCat (10:41:59 PM): lol
PerfumeCat (10:42:06 PM): as MaskedMuscle lies all the time
"HoneyHam" (10:42:24 PM): CallMeDickySon says he will make potato chips
"HoneyHam" (10:42:39 PM): he'll just pour some chips on a plate
[10:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: after some careful thought
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: and consideration
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: I think if CallMeDickySon is going to make potato chips
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: then I'm making water
[10:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: from thin air
[10:48 PM] IveGotCandy: rofl
[10:51 PM] IveGotCandy: "HoneyHam" (10:49:20 PM): CallMeDickySon says he cant' wait to try MaskedMuscle's water
"HoneyHam" (10:49:21 PM): lol
"HoneyHam" (10:49:33 PM): it must be really good and nutritous
[10:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: hhahahahahah
[10:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: it's better than 50 Cent's Vitamin water
[10:52 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[10:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: it'll invigorate him
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: and he'll want to go work out
[10:53 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: it's like when they invented Gatorade
[10:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: except this is for the 21st century

The Hierarchy of Free Things

2007-10-25T19:27:00.001-04:00

[15:36] MaskedMuscle: well, i'm in Chicago this week
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: plus I'm going to eat at Big Bowl
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: so I figure that it all works out
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: Big Bowl and then movie
[15:36] MaskedMuscle: and then head back to hotel for some zzzz's
[15:36] ColonelMustard: what the hell is big bowl?
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: have you ever been to Fire and Ice?
[15:37] ColonelMustard: yeah
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: basically you choose the meat, the sauce and the carbs
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: and then you get a bowl
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: and then fill it with veggies
[15:37] ColonelMustard: nice
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: and then they stir fry it for you
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: it's FANTASTIC
[15:37] MaskedMuscle: it tastes so good
[15:37] ColonelMustard: damn awesome!
[15:37] ColonelMustard: and it's on the company
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: yup!
[15:38] ColonelMustard: nothing better than a free meal
[15:38] ColonelMustard: food tastes much sweeter
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: fuck yeah!
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: 1. free sex
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: 2. free food
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: 3. free money
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: booyah!
[15:38] ColonelMustard: woo woo, where's free sex???
[15:38] MaskedMuscle: that's the hierarchy of things that are good if they are free
[15:39] ColonelMustard: hahahahhahhahah
[15:39] ColonelMustard: oh yeah DEFINITELY
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: you might ask
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: why not rank money first?
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: since you can buy the first two
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: but if you have the first wo
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: two
[15:39] MaskedMuscle: you really don't need money
[15:40] MaskedMuscle: hahahaha
[15:40] ColonelMustard: yeah it's true
[15:40] ColonelMustard: and u can go without food or money if u have sex
[15:40] MaskedMuscle: hmm
[15:40] ColonelMustard: i mean free sex
[15:40] MaskedMuscle: yes absolutely

Sock Hankerchief

2007-10-20T09:48:00.000-04:00

[09:44 PM] Egg McMuffin: so MaskedMuscle u coming out tmrw night?
[09:44 PM] MaskedMuscle: coming where?
[09:44 PM] Egg McMuffin: shake yr booty
[09:46 PM] Egg McMuffin: with loose men and women
[09:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: get outta here
[09:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: I thought that was next week
[09:47 PM] MaskedMuscle: there's something going on tomorrow?
[09:48 PM] Egg McMuffin: yes i sent u an email
[09:48 PM] Egg McMuffin: and u told me to not forget to invite u
[09:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: I don't have any email from you
[09:48 PM] Egg McMuffin: shall i reforward to you
[09:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: oh i see it
[09:48 PM] MaskedMuscle: Hey Guys!

TGIF!!! =) Just throwing the idea out there for a night out on the town for some alcohol drowning and booty shaking! =)

Not this weekend since I'm still recovering ... Mark yr calendars for next weekend - 19th/20th.

=) Egg McMuffin

[09:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: and now i ask u
[09:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: will u join us?
[09:50 PM] Egg McMuffin: or be a coward?
[09:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: I will meet the challenge
[09:50 PM] MaskedMuscle: but um, tomorrow, I have to go see my lawyer
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: lawyers are closed at 10pm
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: u have no excuse
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: ok you got me
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: if u no show
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: FO
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: Egg McMuffin, our friendship is already over
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: we are barely acquaintances
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: boo hoo
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: boo hoo
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: let's not take the next step down
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: to stranger
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: and possibly enemy
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: i will cry tonight
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: tears are coming
[09:51 PM] Egg McMuffin: i feel it
[09:51 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[09:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: ask for CallMeDickySon's hankerchief
[09:52 PM] MaskedMuscle: a gentlemen always has one
[09:54 PM] Egg McMuffin: he is handing me his sock ROFL
[09:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: LOL

Handwashing Sweaters

2007-10-17T19:40:00.000-04:00

[10:51] MaskedMuscle: do you handwash your sweaters?
[11:46] CallMeDickySon: no i dont, just put it in the machine
[11:46] CallMeDickySon: why do u?
[11:47] MaskedMuscle: no, but someone suggested it today at work
[11:47] MaskedMuscle: when they saw my lint filled sweater
[11:48] CallMeDickySon: tell them u like lint on ur sweater
[11:53] MaskedMuscle: I told them when I get hungry
[11:53] MaskedMuscle: I pick it off
[11:53] MaskedMuscle: and eat it like boogers
[12:09] CallMeDickySon: hahahhahah
[12:10] CallMeDickySon: and tell them when xmas comes, u hang ornaments on them and color the lints
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: sometimes I make a big ball of them and use it for bowling
[12:10] MaskedMuscle: or I knit a new sweater of it

Birth Control For Kids

2007-10-16T19:42:00.000-04:00

[17:25] Egg McMuffin: birth control to 11 year olds .... yeh or ney?
[17:25] MaskedMuscle: ney
[17:25] MaskedMuscle: you are only promoting sex
[17:25] MaskedMuscle: to children
[17:25] MaskedMuscle: they are not ready yet
[17:25] Egg McMuffin: they had a mom on there
[17:25] Egg McMuffin: of 5th grader
[17:25] Egg McMuffin: and she said YES
[17:25] MaskedMuscle: it will cause psychological damage if they have sex too soon
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: clearly she promotes adolescent sex
[17:26] Egg McMuffin: agreed lol
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: I would ban her from my classroom
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: I don't want her thoughts to infect the other children
[17:26] Egg McMuffin: she said she prefers protected sex rather than unwanted children
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: tehy should be thinking about kickball
[17:26] Egg McMuffin: lol
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: and social studies
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: not where to put their weiner
[17:26] Egg McMuffin: and cooties
[17:26] Egg McMuffin: lol
[17:26] MaskedMuscle: as far as I am concerned, all children should wear chastity belts
[17:27] MaskedMuscle: and gps bands
[17:27] MaskedMuscle: and mind control helmets
[17:27] Egg McMuffin: rofl

Spanish or Pilates

2007-10-14T19:43:00.000-04:00

[17:28] IveGotCandy: what would u take MaskedMuscle if u had choice btw spanish or pilates class
[17:28] IveGotCandy: oh and friends said they tried out the free salsa lessons given by MIT on tuesdays and they LOVED it
[17:29] MaskedMuscle: nice
[17:29] MaskedMuscle: are you going to give it a shot?
[17:29] MaskedMuscle: I would take pilates
[17:29] IveGotCandy: i cannot
[17:29] IveGotCandy: i have private client on tuesdays
[17:29] MaskedMuscle: private client?
[17:29] IveGotCandy: hmm.... well for my work it can be helpful
[17:29] MaskedMuscle: are you a madame or something?
[17:29] IveGotCandy: yes u have uncovered my secret code!
[17:30] MaskedMuscle: well I wasn't supposed to know
[17:30] MaskedMuscle: so let's pretend we didn't have this conversation
[17:30] IveGotCandy: ok
[17:30] MaskedMuscle: ok
[17:30] IveGotCandy: delete the log
[17:30] MaskedMuscle: so yeah, pilates
[17:30] IveGotCandy: i wish they offered mandarin
[17:30] IveGotCandy: but not next semester
[17:31] MaskedMuscle: nah
[17:31] MaskedMuscle: mandarin is hard
[17:31] MaskedMuscle: perhaps something like italian
[17:31] MaskedMuscle: that would be exotic
[17:32] IveGotCandy: i want something USEFUL
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: come on now
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: it is useful
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: if you want something practical
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: reading chinese is a plus
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: cuz then you can sing chinese karaoke songs
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: if you want something that sound sexy
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: learn french or italian
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: and if you want to learn something you will use a lot, learn spanish
[17:33] MaskedMuscle: cuz boston is filled with hispanics
[17:34] MaskedMuscle: i mean really
[17:34] MaskedMuscle: how many asian women do you know who can speak italian?
[17:34] MaskedMuscle: that would be put you in a class all by yourself

Wii Condom

2007-10-10T21:26:00.000-04:00

[10:42 PM] ServerSlave: (Link to Wii Jacket)
[10:42 PM] ServerSlave: for your sister's Wii if desired
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: thanks
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: I already received the link before
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: from another friend
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: ok
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: besides only losers use the "wii condom"
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: HAHAH
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: i think it will prevent the blood
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: from your wounds
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: from staining the wii
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: I didn't want to knock you out in front of everyone, your gf was there too
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: don't say I was not merciful
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: hahahah
[10:58 PM] ServerSlave: u were lucky
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: I didn't realize my explosive fighting style would excite everyone into watching
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: like little school girls
[10:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: watching a real man fight
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: LOL
[10:59 PM] ServerSlave: hahaha
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: I thought they would all swoon from nosebleeds
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: or something
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: let me remind you
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: it was a unanimous decision
[10:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: but it could've gotten ugly if there were more than 3 rounds
[11:00 PM] ServerSlave: hahah
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: next time we play
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: I will crush you
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: knockout
[11:01 PM] MaskedMuscle: first round
[11:01 PM] ServerSlave: hahaha
[11:01 PM] ServerSlave: keeppp on dreamin

Gentlemen's Bet

2007-10-05T00:14:00.000-04:00

[19:21] IveGotCandy: MaskedMuscle
[19:21] IveGotCandy: i want on tmrw's bet
[19:21] IveGotCandy: do not bullshit around w me
[19:44] MaskedMuscle: i am sorry
[19:44] MaskedMuscle: but the office is now closed
[19:44] MaskedMuscle: we will no longer be accepting any bets
[19:46] IveGotCandy: CallMeDickySon says NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[19:46] IveGotCandy: stop lying
[19:46] IveGotCandy: i placed the bet yesterday
[19:46] MaskedMuscle: I did not accept it
[19:46] IveGotCandy: that is ludacris
[19:46] IveGotCandy: i will file a complaint
[19:46] IveGotCandy: dont be a sore loser (CallMeDickySon says)
[19:47] MaskedMuscle: the only sore loser
[19:47] MaskedMuscle: will be CallMeDickySon
[19:47] MaskedMuscle: when we go out to lunch
[19:47] MaskedMuscle: after Dice-K's typical 6 run implosion
[19:48] IveGotCandy: so the bet is accepted then
[19:48] MaskedMuscle: no
[19:48] MaskedMuscle: it is not
[19:48] MaskedMuscle: the bet is only between CallMeDickySon and I
[19:48] IveGotCandy: sushi sashimi
[19:48] IveGotCandy: sake all around
[19:48] IveGotCandy: sushi bet 100 pieces
[19:48] MaskedMuscle: between gentlemen
[19:48] IveGotCandy: i am not a woman
[19:49] MaskedMuscle: what are you then?
[19:49] MaskedMuscle: a scoundrel?
[19:49] IveGotCandy: yes y've called me that before
[19:49] MaskedMuscle: no, i refer to myself as a scoundrel
[19:50] MaskedMuscle: but for the sake of the bet
[19:50] MaskedMuscle: I am a gentlemen
[19:51] IveGotCandy: this is unfair
[19:51] IveGotCandy: i demand a counselor
[19:51] IveGotCandy: i will take u to court
[19:52] IveGotCandy: oh never mind ... whether or not u accept my bet
[19:52] IveGotCandy: i will just show up to the lunch
[19:52] IveGotCandy: and order my own 100 piece boat
[19:52] MaskedMuscle: I will instruct the waitress to remove you from the gentlemen's lunch
[19:52] MaskedMuscle: do not force our hand
[19:52] MaskedMuscle: this is between gentlemen
[19:53] MaskedMuscle: you don't see me crashing the ladies tea party
[19:53] MaskedMuscle: because that is for ladies
[19:53] IveGotCandy: i will go and eat and charge to your table ... the four-eyed-guy is paying
[19:53] MaskedMuscle: I will not be wearing my glasses
[19:53] MaskedMuscle: I will be wearing my monocle
[19:53] MaskedMuscle: since gentlemen wear monocle
[19:53] IveGotCandy: rofl
[19:54] MaskedMuscle: I expect ladies to wear a dress and carry a lacy umbrella
[19:55] MaskedMuscle: and I certainly expect them not to crash the gentlemen's lunch
[19:55] IveGotCandy: lol
[19:55] IveGotCandy: i am not crashing
[19:55] IveGotCandy: simply eating and sending the bill
[19:55] IveGotCandy: you as a gentleman should pay
[19:56] MaskedMuscle: I have to settle my gentlemen's debt so I will be unable to pay for your bill
[19:56] MaskedMuscle: I hope you can roll your lacy sleeves up to wash the dishes
[19:56] MaskedMuscle: or in your case
[19:56] MaskedMuscle: the sushi boat

Brain-Eating Amoeba and Alligators

2007-10-02T19:08:00.000-04:00

[17:41] MisterClean: holy shit
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: what?
[17:43] MisterClean: the amoeba article
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: yeah
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: don't take your kids to fresh water lakes
[17:43] MisterClean: hahaha
[17:43] MisterClean: silly MaskedMuscle
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: what?
[17:43] MisterClean: in fresh water lakes, there are alligators
[17:43] MisterClean: hahaah
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: .....
[17:43] MisterClean: so of course not
[17:43] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[17:44] MaskedMuscle: all fresh water ponds/lakes have alligators?
[17:44] MisterClean: ANY frsh water that is not fenced in, will have gators
[17:44] MaskedMuscle: good lord
[17:44] MisterClean: including inground pools
[17:44] MaskedMuscle: WTF!!!
[17:44] MaskedMuscle: inground pools?
[17:44] MisterClean: lemme see if i can find the article
[17:44] MisterClean: it just happened like last week
[17:44] MaskedMuscle: so if you had a pool and you leave the fence open
[17:45] MaskedMuscle: an alligator will come and live in it?
[17:45] MaskedMuscle: that is unreal, what kind of a crazy state do you live in?
[17:45] MisterClean: yes
[17:45] MaskedMuscle: here's another question, is there a chance that you will run into an alligator on the sidewalk?
[17:46] MisterClean: not really
[17:46] MisterClean: gators need water to keep cool
[17:46] MisterClean: they are cold blooded
[17:46] MaskedMuscle: so they don't f around, they go from body of water to body of water
[17:46] MisterClean: so in the day they swin to stay cool
[17:46] MisterClean: yeah
[17:47] MaskedMuscle: well, at least that settles that issue
[17:47] MaskedMuscle: no swimming in fresh water
[17:47] MaskedMuscle: cuz well, there are gators
[17:47] MisterClean: http://www.wftv.com/video/14228019/detail.html
[17:47] MisterClean: right

Green Is A Sexy Color

2007-09-11T21:38:00.000-04:00

[08:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: i have returned
[08:58 PM] IveGotCandy: excellent
[08:59 PM] IveGotCandy: did u change yr mind and go with the plastic green frames?
[08:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: i did
[08:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: how do you know?
[08:59 PM] IveGotCandy: i knew u secretly loved those frames!
[09:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: green is a sexy color
[09:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: esp for guys
[09:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: I try to wear as much green as possible
[09:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: if I were in a forest, you would not see me
[09:00 PM] MaskedMuscle: if I laid in the grass, I would be hidden
[09:03 PM] IveGotCandy: hahahaha
[09:03 PM] IveGotCandy: green is sexy
[09:03 PM] IveGotCandy: it is the color of money
[09:03 PM] IveGotCandy: everyone is attracted to money
[09:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: exactly
[09:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: and since chinese people are greedy by nature
[09:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: they will be attracted to me
[09:04 PM] MaskedMuscle: esp those who like to gamble!
[09:04 PM] IveGotCandy: yes
[09:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: if I were an older man and I went to Foxwoods/Mohegans, all the lo por pors would be all over me
[09:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: offering to take me out to dim sum
[09:05 PM] MaskedMuscle: and offering the 4th seat at a mahjong table
[09:06 PM] MaskedMuscle: they would be fighting over me like rival can collecting old asians
[09:06 PM] IveGotCandy: hahahaha

Jaw that Can Carry Fish

2007-09-10T21:42:00.000-04:00

[09:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: did you notice that my eyes are not completely level
[09:07 PM] MaskedMuscle: I am just reviewing the pictures you took
[09:08 PM] MaskedMuscle: and it seems like my left eye is lower than my right
[09:08 PM] MaskedMuscle: or I just wore all the glasses crooked
[09:09 PM] IveGotCandy: or i held the camera crooked
[09:09 PM] MaskedMuscle: no
[09:10 PM] IveGotCandy: or the way u cock yr head like all guys do when taking pics
[09:10 PM] IveGotCandy: cant just look straight on ... nope
[09:10 PM] IveGotCandy: gotta jut that jaw out
[09:10 PM] IveGotCandy: and show off yr jaw
[09:11 PM] MaskedMuscle: I have to
[09:11 PM] MaskedMuscle: I have to show that I can carry a fish in there
[09:12 PM] MaskedMuscle: otherwise, how can I possibly feed the children?
[09:12 PM] IveGotCandy: ROFL
[09:14 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[09:15 PM] MaskedMuscle: I honestly believe that women look for husbands that can provide for the children
[09:15 PM] MaskedMuscle: so this includes the ability to carry fish back to the nest
[09:15 PM] IveGotCandy: yes
[09:15 PM] IveGotCandy: u r right
[09:17 PM] IveGotCandy: so that means i need to make my hands like an old woman's
[09:17 PM] IveGotCandy: to show that i can wash dishes
[09:17 PM] IveGotCandy: and scrub dirty laundry by the river
[09:17 PM] IveGotCandy: men want women who can clean and cook
[09:19 PM] MaskedMuscle: that is not true
[09:19 PM] MaskedMuscle: men want women with a big butt so that they can keep the eggs warm
[09:19 PM] IveGotCandy: hahaha
[09:19 PM] IveGotCandy: i already got one of those
[09:19 PM] IveGotCandy: that is why all the black men go after me
[09:19 PM] MaskedMuscle: yes
[09:19 PM] MaskedMuscle: they like the big cushions
[09:20 PM] IveGotCandy: frame 8 makes it look like u got a unibrow
[09:20 PM] MaskedMuscle: I know
[09:20 PM] MaskedMuscle: that's why I didn't like it
[09:20 PM] MaskedMuscle: I am not Bert from Sesame Street

Vengeance Party

2007-08-28T20:52:00.001-04:00

[19:00] IveGotCandy: k ok .. so whats yr plan?
[19:00] MaskedMuscle: well
[19:00] MaskedMuscle: my original plan was
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: to invite all the people that SaltyWaterCorner wishes to have vengeance upon
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: before she leaves
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: and invite them to dinner
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: and then get them drunk
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: and then once they pass out
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: we will tie them up
[19:01] MaskedMuscle: and allow SaltyWaterCorner to abuse them
[19:01] IveGotCandy: shes is LOL
[19:01] IveGotCandy: she says she dont want to eat w ppl she dont like
[19:02] IveGotCandy: she will puke before she even eats
[19:02] MaskedMuscle: she should have a few drinks
[19:02] MaskedMuscle: before these people arrive
[19:02] MaskedMuscle: but I think a vengeance party should be fun
[19:02] MaskedMuscle: SaltyWaterCorner should sell it as
[19:02] MaskedMuscle: "an opportunity to bury the hatchet with people."
[19:02] IveGotCandy: ok then i will invite ppl i want to take vengence upon as well so i can use it as a cover
[19:03] MaskedMuscle: what?
[19:03] MaskedMuscle: this is SaltyWaterCorner's day of vengeance
[19:03] MaskedMuscle: yours will have to wait
[19:03] IveGotCandy: damn it
[19:03] MaskedMuscle: as I assume i am on that list
[19:03] MaskedMuscle: lol
[19:03] IveGotCandy: no no i think it is the other way around, I am on YOUR list.

SaltyWaterCorner: teach me some vengeance on her
MaskedMuscle: offer to take her out for lunch
MaskedMuscle: and when she goes to the bathroom
MaskedMuscle: spit in her food and put laxatives in it
MaskedMuscle: and then take her purse to the bathroom and take a dump in it
SaltyWaterCorner: omg
MaskedMuscle: ok ok
SaltyWaterCorner: thats rough
MaskedMuscle: let's scratch that idea. I am just shooting from the hip
SaltyWaterCorner: she is so not personable
MaskedMuscle: ok here's another idea
SaltyWaterCorner: she makes you feel like crap she talks to you like ur 5yo and she throws you under the bus
MaskedMuscle: if you can find out who her ex's are see if they made one of those personal sex tapes and send it to everyone at work
SaltyWaterCorner: haha no shes getting married soon
MaskedMuscle: come on now, she's your enemy, live a little!

Judge Jury Executioner

2007-08-24T19:21:00.000-04:00

[15:06] CallMeDickySon: vick accepts plea bargain
[15:06] MaskedMuscle: good
[15:06] CallMeDickySon: he will die in jail
[15:06] CallMeDickySon: they will let out the pitbulls to bite him to death

(a few minutes later)

[15:13] MaskedMuscle: if the punishment for dog fighting
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: was to allow those dogs to bite him to death
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: I can GUARANTEE you nobody would do it
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: if they made severe punishments for crimes
[15:14] MaskedMuscle: criminals would live in fear
[15:15] CallMeDickySon: yeah follow the communist way and bring back death sentence for all states
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: yes
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: rule by fear
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: punish by death
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: criminals have no rights
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: when they commit a crime, they must be judged
[15:17] CallMeDickySon: yeah...if u kill some one, sell drugs, rape, all should get death sentence
[15:17] CallMeDickySon: and they need to buy their own bullet
[15:18] CallMeDickySon: we should bring back the huge ass sword and chop people's head off like back in the good old days
[15:19] CallMeDickySon: i will be the executioner holding the sword
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: hahaha
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: you should wear an executioner's mask
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: the next time you host a bbq
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: to let people know you mean business
[15:20] CallMeDickySon: hahahhahahaha
[15:20] CallMeDickySon: anyone gets offended i will chop off their heads
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: absolutely
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: you should show everyone your sword
[15:20] MaskedMuscle: and say that is given to you by the emperor
[15:21] MaskedMuscle: and that by that right, you can chop anyone's head off
[15:21] CallMeDickySon: unless they have a medallion from the emperor
[15:21] MaskedMuscle: yes
[15:21] MaskedMuscle: absolutely
[15:21] MaskedMuscle: medallion > sword

Bang Bang Goes the Panda Smuggler

2007-08-16T00:35:00.000-04:00

[2:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: pandas are great majestic animals
[2:53 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[2:53 PM] NigiriPlease: they are but they can still be crazy!
[2:53 PM] MaskedMuscle: I envy those who have petted one in person
[2:53 PM] NigiriPlease: I'm going to go pet one in the future
[2:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: me too
[2:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: it is one of my life goals
[2:54 PM] NigiriPlease: me too MaskedMuscle!
[2:54 PM] NigiriPlease: haha
[2:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: I wish to hold a baby one on my lap
[2:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: and I wish to be held like a baby by an adult one
[2:54 PM] IveGotCandy: ROFL
[2:54 PM] MaskedMuscle: lol
[2:54 PM] NigiriPlease: I'm going to go on one of those WWF trips to the panda sanctuaries
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: great idea
[2:55 PM] NigiriPlease: I have a plan and everything.. :-D I'm going to try to smuggle one out too
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: that won't happen
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: they will kill you on the spot
[2:55 PM] NigiriPlease: I'll act confused
[2:55 PM] IveGotCandy: lol
[2:55 PM] IveGotCandy: yes china is serious matter
[2:55 PM] IveGotCandy: bang - bang!
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: I think when you are in the sanctuary
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: they will have snipers aimed at you
[2:55 PM] MaskedMuscle: bang bang!
[2:55 PM] NigiriPlease: I'll be like it climbed into my bag!
[2:56 PM] NigiriPlease: then I'll start speaking in broken english cuz I can't speak broken mandarin...no shoot no shoot!
[2:56 PM] MaskedMuscle: no way
[2:56 PM] MaskedMuscle: by then
[2:56 PM] MaskedMuscle: bang bang!

New Glasses With Style

2007-08-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

[11:57 PM] NigiriPlease: so you're getting new glasses MaskedMuscle
[11:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: not really
[11:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: IveGotCandy asked me to get new ones
[11:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: and I have begrudgingly agreed for teh sake of our friendship
[11:57 PM] MaskedMuscle: but I am using delay tactics to keep them forever
[11:57 PM] NigiriPlease: haha nice...it's always nice to get new eyewear
[11:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: I like mine, they are old and have personality
[11:58 PM] MaskedMuscle: much like myself
[11:58 PM] NigiriPlease: yes your glasses tell your lifestory
[11:58 PM] IveGotCandy: but its OUTTA style now
[11:59 PM] NigiriPlease: maybe MaskedMuscle likes to be part of the old school crowd!
[11:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: it's not out of style
[11:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: it's retro
[11:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: classic
[11:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: I can't wear those gay hong kong horn rimmed glasses
[11:59 PM] NigiriPlease: MaskedMuscle I hope you don't get "cat-eye" glasses, I think it will look weird
[11:59 PM] MaskedMuscle: I am not a homosexual or a metrosexual
[12:00 AM] NigiriPlease: maybe it's time to try contacts then!
[12:00 AM] MaskedMuscle: I used to wear them
[12:00 AM] MaskedMuscle: they hurt my eyes
[12:00 AM] MaskedMuscle: and for the sake of my line of work
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: it is bad cuz they will dry from the searing heat coming from my monitor
[12:01 AM] IveGotCandy: lol
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: my weaksauce co-workers insist that the air conditioning be running at all times
[12:01 AM] IveGotCandy: lemme go with you MaskedMuscle
[12:01 AM] NigiriPlease: really...your monitor is a contact destroyer
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: yeah
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: it's like a frying pan
[12:01 AM] IveGotCandy: i will pick out a few pairs
[12:01 AM] IveGotCandy: take pics w camera
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: I have a piece of plastic that sits on it
[12:01 AM] NigiriPlease: and we'll take a vote
[12:01 AM] IveGotCandy: and then u can put glasses back on and see if u like
[12:01 AM] MaskedMuscle: the true issue as IveGotCandy pointed out is
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: when I go to get my glasses
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: I cannot see
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: and I've been going alone since I was a teenager
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: since my mom always picks the big plastic ones for me
[12:02 AM] NigiriPlease: maybe it's time to take a guiding hand aka IveGotCandy
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: well here's the issue with that
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: IveGotCandy says she'll come
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: but she's going to wear some clubbing outfit
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: and I don't need the unnecessary attention
[12:02 AM] MaskedMuscle: on her 5 inch skirt
[12:03 AM] MaskedMuscle: or the fact that she is only wearing a bra
[12:03 AM] NigiriPlease: MaskedMuscle..if you want to get a deal on your glasses-you need IveGotCandy to dress like that
[12:03 AM] MaskedMuscle: no way
[12:03 AM] MaskedMuscle: I don't sell out my friends like that
[12:03 AM] MaskedMuscle: do I look like a pimp?
[12:03 AM] NigiriPlease: She can probably get your glasses for you for free
[12:03 AM] NigiriPlease: haha...we pimp her out
[12:03 AM] IveGotCandy: ROFL
[12:03 AM] IveGotCandy: this is true
[12:04 AM] IveGotCandy: they make me dress like a corner hooker
[12:04 AM] IveGotCandy: and put me out there
[12:04 AM] NigiriPlease: we do we do
[12:04 AM] MaskedMuscle: we're not in China, we don't have to whore out our relatives
[12:04 AM] NigiriPlease: IveGotCandy has a whole fan club
[12:04 AM] MaskedMuscle: let's be civilized and just go to the glasses shop dressed like normal people

Download Philosophy

2007-08-13T20:14:00.000-04:00

[15:14] DurianShake: do you download movies to watch at home?
[15:15] MaskedMuscle: no
[15:15] MaskedMuscle: I don't do illegal things
[15:16] DurianShake: alright
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: I don't want to get fined
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: or arrested
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: for not paying 10 dollars to go see a movie
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: or a dollar for a song
[15:16] DurianShake: but if you did... what websites would you go to?
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: use torrent sites
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: use utorrent as a program
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: if you are looking for asian movies
[15:16] MaskedMuscle: I will forward you a link
[15:16] DurianShake: thanks
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: unfortunately, all the sites I use for torrents can also lead to porn
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: so I will forward you the chinese site instead
[15:17] DurianShake: that's ok... i can look past that
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: are you sure?
[15:17] DurianShake: yep
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: jsut make sure your cousins aren't looking over your shoulder
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: or your wife
[15:17] DurianShake: no
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: or your mom
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: or your brother
[15:17] DurianShake: they dont
[15:17] DurianShake: it's discreet
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: lock hte door
[15:17] MaskedMuscle: and turn off the lights
[15:18] DurianShake: hahaha
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: put a "do not disturb" sign outside the door
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: and a yellow cleaning sign on the floor
[15:18] MaskedMuscle: and always have the monitor facing away from the door
[15:19] MaskedMuscle: it is more feng shui that way
[15:19] DurianShake: hahaha
[15:19] DurianShake: yes yes
[15:22] MaskedMuscle: check your mail
[15:22] MaskedMuscle: I forwarded you the site and directions
[15:22] MaskedMuscle: keep in mind, if you get caught, I disavow all knowledge of your existence
[15:22] DurianShake: excellent
[15:22] DurianShake: thanks.
[15:23] DurianShake: so if i download an american movie on a chinese website... that should be ok... no?
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: no
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: you will get crucified
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: don't download american products
[15:24] DurianShake: and dont use chinese products.
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: exactly
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: download chinese products
[15:24] MaskedMuscle: never buy chinese products
[15:25] MaskedMuscle: use american products
[15:25] MaskedMuscle: never download american products
[15:25] MaskedMuscle: that will help balance the trade deficit
[15:25] DurianShake: hahaha
[15:25] DurianShake: i see your point now
[15:25] DurianShake: USA all the way
[15:25] MaskedMuscle: USA USA USA hoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Friendship Over

2007-08-10T15:34:00.000-04:00

Session Start: Wed Aug 08 21:34:28 2007
[09:34 PM] Egg McMuffin: MaskedMuscle
[09:34 PM] Egg McMuffin: r u ignoring my pleas for conversation here?
[09:34 PM] Egg McMuffin: i will cut u loose
[09:34 PM] Egg McMuffin: if this shall continue
[09:34 PM] Egg McMuffin: friendship is TWO way street
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: as i tell my kids
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: Egg Mcmuffin is going to countdown from 10
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 10
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 9
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 8
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 7
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 6
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 5
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 4
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 3
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 2
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: 1
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: time's up
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: too late
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: u snooze
[09:35 PM] Egg McMuffin: u lose
[09:36 PM] Egg McMuffin: i will now post pictures of you on the web
[09:36 PM] Egg McMuffin: and publically announce that you and i are no longer friends
[09:36 PM] Egg McMuffin: that's all .. good bye
[09:36 PM] *** "Egg McMuffin" signed off at Wed Aug 08 21:36:31 2007.

Session Start: Thu Aug 09 22:38:48 2007
[10:38 PM] MaskedMuscle: Egg Mcmuffin!
[10:39 PM] Egg McMuffin: we are no longer friends
[10:39 PM] Egg McMuffin: do not contact me
[10:39 PM] Egg McMuffin: unless u r ready to amend the differences
[10:39 PM] Egg McMuffin: and change yr ways
[10:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: I wanted to say
[10:40 PM] MaskedMuscle: friendship over
[10:40 PM] *** You have been disconnected. Thu Aug 09 22:40:15 2007.

Session Start: Fri Aug 10 14:49:38 2007
[14:49] Egg McMuffin: MaskedMuscle... u broke my heart last night ... i slept for 12hrs+ and am still very unstable ... crying at the drop of a dime .. i hope yr happy!
[14:50] MaskedMuscle: friendship over
[14:50] *** You have been disconnected. Fri Aug 10 14:50:28 2007.

(5 mins later)

[14:54] Egg McMuffin: on a sidenote, MaskedMuscle .. would u like to watch a movie later tonight ... Crackerjack will be in town and wanna watch either borne ultimadum or rush hour3
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: ok
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: let's do that
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: I have a better idea
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: why don't you and CrackerJack come with me to Restaurant Week
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: ?
[14:55] Egg McMuffin: i dont want to pay
[14:55] Egg McMuffin: lol
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: I will pay for you and CrackerJack
[14:55] MaskedMuscle: just so that there is no favortism
[14:56] MaskedMuscle: I believe in a communist approach in treating friends out to meals
[14:56] Egg McMuffin: ..oh no ...i have din plans alaredy w FrenchPotato for restaurant week ... we going to lumiere
[14:56] MaskedMuscle: how dare you!
[14:56] MaskedMuscle: friendship over
[14:56] *** You have been disconnected. Fri Aug 10 14:56:38 2007.

Update 9/11/07

Urban Dictionary Entry: (click link here)

It is how non-confrontational people end friendships via IM.

After typing those words, the user must log off immediately.

For lazy people, they can just type "FO" or say it. But be forewarned, people often mistaken it for "fuck off".

Ella decided that her friendship with Will was one-sided so she IM-ed him "Friendship Over" and logged off. Will was distraught by the sudden and impersonal way that their friendship just ended.

Rosie: Oh yeah, motherfucker, FO.
Sherri: what?!? What does that mean?
Rosie: FRIENDSHIP OVER!!

Eddie: So you're not coming to my b-day party?
Jenn: No, I'm not coming, I have to cut vegetables and put the toilet seat down.
Eddie: FO!!!
Jenn: Did you just tell me to fuck off?
Eddie: FRIENDSHIP OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!